when we reach the hill

Saturday I got brunch at Tweet which was tasty as always. I feel like I did something else but maybe not. Took a nap? I was really tired from a late night Friday and waking up early Saturday. I also watched Bujalski's Funny Ha Ha and really didn't like it. Maybe the funniest part of it was realizing how excruciating it is to watch these people do stupid shit for 90 straight minutes then realize that you are essentially doing the same stupid shit. Then I went to bed so I could get up early for my Sunday run (8 miles!). New E picked me up at 6:20 in the freakin' morning to drive me up to the run site, which totally ruled. The buses are wonky on Sundays so having a ride was awesome. I even got a ride home too! I didn't realize there were such nice people in the world, that was above and beyond the call of duty. Then we went to Feed for brunch so I could refill the 1,000 calories I lost running. I spent the afternoon napping again, then got my hair chopped off. It was so hot and my hair was too long anyway. Its basically the exact same cut and color I had during my last few months in SF when I had Jason the Bear cutting my hair. I miss him. Then Sunday evening was spent watching The White Diamond with new E. I reaffirmed my hero-worship for Red Beard/Mark Antony in the film and my odd desire to move to Guyana and just hang out with my roosters all day. Its a good film for putting my idiocy in check.

So the activities of the weekend were all pretty decent, but mentally I was exhausted. I feel so stupid because I'm essentially looking a gift horse in the mouth. If only resolve actually stuck. I'd also like people to make all my tough decisions for me because I'm lazy and totally stressed out. I have a few weeks to work on this current one which helps me. I'll probably spend it re-reading Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (or at least the bits where he stays in the well) and attempting to grow the eff up and realize whats good and whats bad for me.

this post brought to you by a bus commute

On my lovely bus ride home, I thought a lot about stuff. I do this on every bus ride when I'm not reading or sleeping. Today I thought about how unhealthy it is to hold onto the bitterness and anger surrounding "your lot in life" when you have no control over anything (or anybody) but your own outlook. Meaning, we all have shit that we can't change, people we can't change, life events we can't change, but we can change how we react to them, deal with them, and learn from them. I'm working on that, and on not letting negative energy about trivial shit consume me. It may be a form of denial to just refuse to listen to negative stuff, but its working for now. I don't see much wrong with just doing what I think is good for me and saying fuck it to everything else, again for now. Obviously I still maintain obligations (I pay bills, get wedding gifts for people), but you get the deal. I think.

On the bus ride to work I had a much more pleasant thought process. I thought about how a cute dude on a bus can be ruined because he folds the cover of his book over so he can read with one hand. Mutiny! Mutilation! It hurts me to see books all bent up like that. Plus it means I can't figure out what book the bro is reading.

It was really nice after work today. I walk past this garden store every day and every day I think "I'll go in and get a windowsill plant." I never do. Today I stepped in and the experience was intense. Apparently what I wanted was like asking for cancer to be cured tomorrow. I wanted a rectangular box to put on my windowsill, on the inside. I wanted plants that would grow in it to grow at least 12 inches high so Audrey couldn't peek over them to bark at the passers-by. It would help if they weren't all green - color would be nice. I also wanted something that was idiot proof, as I've never kept a plant alive. Well, no go. Turns out bigger plants need bigger pots. Whoops. I felt really stupid. So I spent 45 minutes trying out different arrangements with different pots until the third employee there said, "you know you can buy frosted glass window film and just plop it on the window." Oh. Duh. A much cheaper and easier solution. How did I not think of that sooner? So after 45 minutes, I left with just one peace lily in a cute square pot. It's on my kitchen table. We shall see how long it lives. This weekend I'll stop by the Home Depot and get the frosted film stuff.

Have I mentioned lately how much I love my apartment? Because I still do. Windows were open today and it was great. Having my own private entrance rules too.