leftover birthday cupcakes, free to a good home

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. The morning was spent running with my training group. The afternoon was spent running all over town buying things for the party I had and borrowing chairs/tables from Ed and Soup (thanks guys!). I was pretty nervous about Audrey not doing well with people in the house. She was horrible with the first few guests, but after awhile got used to having people here. As long as nobody knocked on the door she was ok. I expected her to hide the whole night but she just spent it wandering around. She was probably looking for table scraps. I felt the party was a success - there were about 15 people here in my one bedroom apartment and it wasn't too tight. The only annoying aspect is that I totally over-bought food and booze. There's no way I'll eat all this junk food, so I don't want it in my house. I also don't drink alone, let alone whiskey or beer, so I also don't want that here. Next weekend is Memorial Day weekend though so maybe I can recycle a bunch of it at someone's house.

This is the first year I've ever been disturbed even in the slightest about getting older. The past few weeks I had a few times where I thought I was getting old. I know 27 isn't old, and the number doesn't bother me. What bothers me is what I haven't done and where I am not at this point. I wasn't "supposed" to be single, living alone in Chicago, in debt, and dealing with a bout of depression. This was not the life I had planned for myself. I remember just 5 years ago, when I was with Jake and was worried that by 25 we wouldn't have gotten engaged and then I'd be so old and starting over and all the good dudes would be taken. Turns out that at 25 I started all over as a single person. And now I'm doing it again after a break up that I can't seem to get over even as new options present themselves. I don't have this "I better be married by 30" deadline or anything, but I would like to have a partner. I feel like all of my friends are settling down, moving further towards the 'burbs, starting to have kids, and I'm getting left in the dust because I am not part of a pair that is on that path. I don't like that I don't have someone around to hang out with on a quiet weeknight, or to share my day's news with, or just someone who understands me better than anyone else. And I don't think being a successful strong woman and being a woman in a relationship with a good man are mutually exclusive concepts, although other people seem to think so and imply that I should be ashamed for wanting it. sigh.

So those are the thoughts that have been haunting me as my birthday came, and are with me today. I'd like to say I hope that in another 2 years this isn't the same case, but I don't want to be setting myself up for failure and disappointment like I clearly was doing back when I was 22 and determining where I wanted to be as I grew up. What can I say, I'm a librarian, meticulous future planning is my MO. My therapist would say its because my parents raised me in a cold and unloving divorce-land family. I'd rather just not think about how your childhood can make or break the next 80 years of your life. Depressing.

On a lighter note, today I went to Wendy's belly dancing recital. It was really cool! Saw some really amazing women doing moves I'd never be able to do. They must have so much self confidence to get up in front of a full audience wearing basically just a bra on top and shaking their stuff. Talk about strong ladies. So congrats Wendy, your show was great.

I'm not working at all this week and the only thing I must do tomorrow is return my modem to Comcast at some stupid far away building. Otherwise I'll read, maybe take the dog on a super long walk, watch some movies, relax. Should be nice.

Weekend Update

Before I get to the weekend update, I'd like to know whats up Chicago males. Why must you cat call, shout "hey sexy" or "oww oww" at me at least once a day? I'm getting sick of it and it makes me feel dirty. I know it's summer but dudes, I wasn't even wearing anything revealing today! Gross.


Friday was spent at Soup's place playing dominoes with Nate, TJK, Ed and Andy. My winning streak was inversely proportionate to the amount of Picada wine I drank, if that makes sense. Nate and I biked home at 1:30, and I passed out for the next twelve hours.

Saturday we watched the White Sox lose a an embarrassing game to the Cubs, then I met up with Jane, Cindy, Sarah, and Amelia for drinks at the Kit Kat Lounge for our birthdays. We talked weddings, bars, dudes, all the stupid stuff you talk about with girls. It was a good time. We sat outdoors which was super nice. Then we all headed to Long Room to meet up with all of our friends for the birthday. I had way too many shots and drinks. Nate and I took photo booth pictures that turned out surprisingly well. Cabbed home at 2:30 am.

Sunday I woke up enormously hung over. I felt like I was a freshman in college. It was pretty gross, and ended up in some puking action around noon. I laid around all day, watched the Sox finally beat the Cubs, then me and Nate went go Cleo's for the first solid food I had that day. Later he kicked my ass in Scrabble (he had TWO bingos: granola and famines), we watched Ninja Warrior, and then I fell asleep again at 10 pm.

So the recap: if I wasn't celebrating my birthday I was asleep.

Tonight: WWB White Sox vs A's outing! I can't wait.

I reach out to you and our hearts collide

This week was pretty intense in all aspects. Therefore last night's festivities were a welcome retreat from a ton of stress. A bunch of my friends have birthdays right around now, and all happen to be in bands too. So Rollo Tomasi, Sleep Out, Dialogue, and May or May Not celebrated the birthdays by playing the Metro. Thanks to Nate, I got an all access pass which meant free beer and jackassery. I also got to stand on stage to watch some of the sets. Tyler and I spent a good half hour reminiscing about going to fests and being assholes. That may be my favorite part of the night. The rest was spent in a haze, rapping for people and being dumb. Happy Birthday pals, the show was a lot of fun.

Tonight Nate's coworker Nick is having a birthday party. Its cold and yucky, so hopefully I'll only be there for a little while and we can return to my house to watch last night's Office and 30 Rock episodes. Then on Saturday we are meeting up with my coworkers to see one of my coworker's band play at Schubas. Should be interesting to see him in that environment.

An update on the landlord: I called them and said I'd sign but only if they gave me in writing that the dishwasher will be fixed by March 15th or else the lease is void. I'm feeling good about this choice. Moving sucks, I don't have to stress, don't have to bug my parents...and Nate got me excited for some stuff I can do to the place to make it feel more cozy for me and Lil Audrey.

P.S. I can't stop listening to Cut Copy's "Bright Like Neon Love" album. Phew, is that a dance party or what?