Anaheim Day 3

Today I didn't have to 'be' anywhere so I got to go to some talks. I participated in a small group discussion on online instruction which was informative. In the afternoon I ran into my old friend Tim from Madison, and we went to a talk on information privacy. I was left with this criticism/question for anybody that really wants to read it:

"Cory Doctorow said to refuse/boycott materials that come with DRM for your library. At what point are you boycotting to the detriment of intellectual growth of students and how can you justify that?

The reality of academic libraries is that we can buy package e-book deals of comp sci books that change monthly, and let out students use these - for free so they don't have to spend their tiny incomes- even though they come with prohibitive copy abilities. Do we say, we won't provide you with the academic supplements you need because we are ethically opposed? When does the ability to create/develop intellect override the idealism of anti-DRM? How does boycotting DRM materials align with the obligation of academic libraries to provide information to students?"

I wanted to ask but the lines to ask questions of Mr. BoingBoing were too long. I don't think the session addressed anything related to academic libraries, and only minimally related to public libraries. It was more of a rah-rah librarians are the torch-bearers of ethics. Left me thinking about realism vs idealism and when you compromise and when you don't. Very interesting for you I know.

Regardless, it was really nice to see Tim. I hadn't seen him in over five years!

Then I had a few hours to do nothing so I sat in my hotel room and watched Unknown White Male, a documentary about a guy who randomly lost all his memory and how he worked on reconstructing a life. It was fairly interesting. Later I met up with all my old SF coworkers for a dinner which was really fun. This dinner is always my favorite part of ALA. I got really lucky working there with such amazing people who continue to keep in contact with me.

Now I'm in my room again, bored again. I have to do a conference call with work tomorrow morning, then my shuttle to the airport comes at noon. Then a long flight, annoying CTA ride, and a bus ride then I'm back at home with Audrey. I miss her. Nate's been graciously taking care of her and sending me pics of her sprawled out across the couch. I'm glad that her daily routine doesn't have to change when I'm gone. Between Nate and the dog walker she has the other loves of her life around and doesn't need me.

I'm looking forward to returning. I hate having to buy bottled water and eat junky restaurant food for days. I hate traveling. Yay for homes!

Anaheim Day 2

This morning I had my 7 am run. A lovely 12 miles with my running partner who happens to be here as well. We ran along a dried up river which was weird. I kept thinking we'd see dead bodies. We didn't. We did see a baby doll that looked like a dead baby.

I came back to the hotel, showered, and headed to the convention center. Talked to some vendors I needed to talk to, wandered around a bit. I remember my first ALA four years ago, and how I didn't understand why anybody bothered to go to the Exhibit Hall. Now that I have a job I get it a bit more. I don't find it enjoyable, in fact I sort of hate it, but I understand why it must be done. I had to talk to a few vendors and database reps with some questions I needed answered to report back to work. I didn't dawdle however. Got out as soon as I found the five people I needed to see.

My presentation was at 1:30. It went ok. We were expecting a larger audience because the program was some sort of 'things of note' thing in some pre-conference materials. I think the program became something different than what was advertised, which disappointed me. I have a lot more sympathy now for people who coordinate these programs. You never really know what your speakers are going to say or how well they are going to do, you just have to hope for the best. I think I'll be less critical of programs I go to that suck because there really is very little way to know how its going to go. So I guess I did learn something from this experience.

I took a power nap, and then Juan and Patricia arrived!!! I haven't seen them since I moved to Chicago. They moved to LA shortly after I left SF. We got right back into good ole days mode. We ate at a pretty good Vietnamese place. I told them about how I've tried 5 different Vietnamese places in Chicago and still think they all suck. We also went to this place that does italian ices with soft serve in it! It was awesome and probably so so bad for you. J and P haven't changed a bit. They are still some of the nicest most enjoyable people to be around on the planet, and I miss them so much. They were such a huge part of my San Francisco experience. Without them I wouldn't have met most of the people I knew there who were also all totally awesome. So I'm left happy that I saw them but also a bit sad that they aren't a part of my daily life anymore.

Even though I'm in southern California and it is so different from SF, I still feel this great pull to return to California. The air, the weather, the people, the landscape are all calling me. Anaheim totally blows but its still very Californian at its core. It may be all chains and yuckiness but you can't change climate, and when you do see a true local you know they are Californian.

I don't know if Chicago is really a good fit for me. I can go a few months at a time without questioning or thinking about it and just going through the daily motions of work, sleep, friends, but when I stop to look around Chicago I remember that I really just don't like the city that much. I don't like the food, I don't really like the population (excluding my friends and coworkers), I don't like the politics, I don't like the geography, I hate the weather for 6 months of the year, and I don't like how spread out and large it is. The city works for most people I know, it seems like most of them love the city of Chicago and not just love their lives there. They love the actual city. I think I just like where my life is and the city seems to be this minor inconvenience or sacrifice to having a job and a great apartment and some close friends.

I miss my typical Sunday in SF. Getting breakfast at Tartine or Pork Store or that crepe place near Fillmore and Haight, walking audrey through Buena Vista Park with Jake, breathing in the nice air through my open windows, enjoying a midday nap, meeting up with friends for an awesome affordable meal, and heading home to go to sleep at a reasonable hour. I liked how the daytimes were the active time there and not the late nights. I liked that the options of things to do didn't start and stop at booze, and that I didn't have to be at a bar every weekend in order to see people.

I know Chicago has a lot to offer in the way of museums, downtown, neighborhoods, and the lake front etc, but it takes more effort to get to those things. In SF a short train ride on the N dumped me at the beach, or if I went the other way it was only 4 stops to the MoMA and Yerba Buena Center for the Arts. I could also just sit in a park and watch people all day. Chicago parks seem to be built around playgrounds. There's more to do with your dog in SF too. Way way way better dog parks on actual grass not concrete, huuuge dog beach that isn't overcrowded and doesn't require a park license, really cool dog daycares, great nature hikes in the city.

To be fair to both cities, you really can't compare the two. They aren't the same size, same anything really other than being famous American cities. And I should probably stop being SF homesick because the likelihood of me ever being able to move back is zilch. I should try to find the things I miss from SF in Chicago and make a better effort. I'll never grow to like or appreciate the city if my heart's still in another one. My cousin said to me a few weeks ago, "you can't help who turns your crank" and while she meant it in regards to men (and you could also replace 'city' in the previous sentence with 'man'), it applies to cities or anything else too. I can't force myself to like a place just because I should and I can't get over a place just to be over it.

All this Chicago-hating at this moment is probably just because I just saw my CA besties, and now I'm stuck in my hotel room with just me, a crappy tv, and some time to kill before I can fall asleep.

Anaheim Day 1

Little late in the day, but today is National HIV Testing Day. Also, you can continue to donate to my run for another 2 weeks before they yell at me. I need somewhere between 300-400 dollars more. Go here to do so and see the other winner sponsors.

I'm in Anaheim and I think my hotel room is pretty decent but the air is stale and of course you can't open a window. I thought the Anaheim convention/disneyland area was a lot more compact than it is. Turns out I'm 1.9 miles away from the convention center. Its not a bad walk, but I'm taking the shuttle buses to cut down on knee pressure before my 12 mile run tomorrow. The weather is nice. I forgot that humidity is nill in California. The run should be good as a result. Restaurants here are worthless. I cannot find a non-chain or non-hotel restaurant for the life of me. This bugs me because I'm going to need to eat decently to make up for that mega-run.

My plane here was pretty annoying. Librarians are the slowest people of all time to board. All time. They stand in the aisle, dig through papers before putting shit in the overhead bins, and shuffle their abnormally bulbous butts into their seats. All while talking about stupid library crap. Just put your shit up there and let people through! As a result we were DELAYED because of these dorks. Then the lavatory had an external leak and "water" was falling out of the plane! So more delay. To make matters worse, I had a raging awful sinus headache. I still do. So four hours of sinus pain and listening to librarians say things like "25-37 year olds don't use the library. They don't even come in to download!" "tsk tsk" Uhhh, download? What? Didn't a study come out a few months ago saying my age group is a major growing population of library use? Whatever ladies. They also criticized netflix. "My son uses netflix for rentals and not the library." Ok lady. The in-flight movie was Penelope, that Christina Ricci movie where she's got a pig nose. Horrible.

I guess it sounds like I hate librarians, and I sort of do. But there are some super awesome ones out there - my old USF workers, many of my current coworkers, Daina, Alycia, Tim, Anne Marie, Lisa, rad reffers, and a select few other gems. Interestingly, they all work for colleges or for fancy DC ALA offices. No public or school librarians...

I'm supposed to meet up with Daina later for dinner, but I'm still feeling grody and crabby so I don't know if it'll happen. I should just suck it up and go because when else am I going to see her? I have to get up early and really just want to veg out with a DVD I brought with me from NETFLIX.

nailed it

I totally nailed that presentation. Getting 100 cocky "I'm smarter and better because I got into this school" 18 year olds to laugh at your stupid jokes, to participate, to actually ask questions about the library when you are done, and then when they see you a few hours later to say "wow that was a really good presentation" totally made my June. I'm tootin my own horn here, but I'm really f'ing proud of myself on that whole thing. I wish my friends could have seen it.

Now: packing, Club Footing, sleeping, CTAing, flying, hating Anaheim. So far my comrades that are already there have reported back that its the pits.

I don't know what I'm talking about

Man I got me some stress. All work stress, which is the worst kind because the Numero Uno reason I got into this profession was to NOT be stressed. I did it for the 9-5, quiet atmosphere, regular and steady work...and it's all out the window the next few weeks. What also blows is that the summertime is supposed to be the time we do absolutely nothing before the onslaught of a new school year. However this summer with my promotion I've been busy working on this huge presentation. It's actually the same presentation, only its given six different times to a total of 800 17 and 18 year olds. That has to be the worst age to have to present to, the arrogance is pretty amazing in recent HS grads. Anyway, writing it, making the powerpoint, rehearsing it, getting people to present it with me, and training those people on how to present to large groups has really made me stressed. I went to bed early last night but didn't fall asleep for another two hours because I spent the time fretting over a single word on the first slide. ONE WORD. Should I use that word or another or none and what does that word or another or none convey or mislead...on and on.

And did I bitch yet today about how I have to go to a conference in Anaheim where I do another presentation to another 100-150 people? And that I really don't want to go because I hate traveling? Well I hate traveling especially for work and to places I don't want to be. I have little lists everywhere on things I have to get done before I go, things to pack, work things to not forget. Barf. All for a Friday morning to Monday morning trip. Not worth it.

So how did I spend my Wednesday evening? Not working on anything I should be. Instead I spent it shopping for some running tank tops, or singlets if you have to be a douche, socks, a knee-band to experiment with knee support because my knees are very very unhappy, and Clif shot bloks. I failed at getting some body glide (lube for runners) because they were out. Then I went with Nate to get new clothes and we ended up at Cleo's watching the Cubs and Sox games and eating a late-ish dinner. Probably should have cleaned my apartment or something useful but I felt like avoiding work.

Tomorrow I'll get up early to get in my run, do the insane work thing, the insane packing thing, then get some drinks. Then wake up insanely early Friday to catch my flight.

Oh hai you tube

I don't think I've talked about my ridiculously high girl crush on Ida No of Glass Candy in awhile. First time I saw them live (back when they were even more trannyesque with the Shattered Theatre) in...2000? I think I questioned my sexuality. Why? Because she'd wear these ridiculously small outfits like so:



In San Francisco GC played practically once a month so I could get my fix on the regular back then. Not in Chicago :(



When I first heard their remake of Kraftwerk's computer love I fainted.


Aaaand 3 hours of youtube clicking around later I've tripped down memory lane seeing old Lake of Dracula, Locust at Fireside (remember G2K at that one? wowzas), the 1999 version of at the drive-in (my first show at okayz was them and the freaking get-up kids how messed is that)...then of course those lead to watching sets from the michiganfests and columbusfests I went to.

You get Reversal of Man at michiganfest 2000, which is a historical study on screamo white guys doing the pony/bronco move. My fave part of their set was being on stage right just as the dude barfed all over it. Note the total sausage fest at this event. Remember when bands would talk all political before they played? What happened to that? Remember lyric sheets: "uh hey we have sheets of our lyrics and we'd love to talk to you about whats going on because some fucking shit is going on in this fucking world" (pre-9/11 no less!) Then people would stand around and read them and pretend to care?


Michiganfest 2002 - look close enough and you can see me and some other people you know...best to leave this type of drunken stupidity back in 2002.


And then I obviously wasn't at this as I was 12, but holy shit a 1993 Indian Summer show? YouTube u did that (again).


Which dumped me off at a 1996 Shotmaker show at a men's lodge. Do people still play at lodges? This was/is my fave shotmaker song. Too bad the vocals are MIA.


Remember when I like, really, really liked music? I think I can thank those 4 years of avant-garde noise shows for giving me a permanent burning music rash.

Want:

Do not want: baby inside the snugglything.

Le Weekend

Friday I stayed in. I was supposed to go to Christy's for a film screening but it was raining and I didn't have it in me. I wanted to be in bed by 10 for Saturday morning anyway. I think I should just give up telling people "yeah I may be there" on Friday events because I really can't make it out very much anymore before my big runs.

Saturday was a big run - ten miles! I am so f'ing proud of myself for running 10 miles. And not being in horrid pain, and actually loving it, and wanting to go back out there now and do it again. I bonded with two (gay) guys in my group as a result of one of those "ain't no school gon' teach mah kids 'bout sex" person. So new friends, woo! We decided next week I should wear a shirt that says "I'm pro-choice and I have sex with tons of strangers." I don't own such a shirt but it'd be a kind of cool idea.

Saturday afternoon was the Cubs-Sox game 2. Nate and I watched it together, our own mini-version of crosstown rivalry in my living room. It was a crushing blow to the ole Sox, with the Cubs getting 9 runs in one inning. Ouch. I had to keep telling myself "it's ok, the Sox got 37 runs in their last 3 games before this series" but it didn't fully help. Other than my mom calling me to throw the win in my face, Nate and my brother (both Cubs fans) were very polite about it. A rarity in Cubs fans (jk?).

Saturday night I met up with Jennifer for some catch-up drinks at Happy Village, where it was douche bag central, complete with a man squeezing my bare arm! Why do people think they can just touch another person they don't know? Gross. Later in the evening Nate met up with us for another drink.

Today I've been lazying about. I really need to clean but I'm not feeling up for it. I am going to Onion City Film Festival tonight to see Jennifer's world premiere of her film! I'm proud of her, and it'll be nice to see some exp films after years of skipping out on them.

Next week is going to be stressful - my first presentation in front of 100+ 18 year olds is Thursday, I leave for Anaheim Friday, present for another 100+ professionals Saturday, don't get to hang with my doggy, miss the second cubs-sox series...yeah, not looking forward to next weekend. The only good thing will be that I'll get to see Patricia and Juan for the first time in TWO YEARS, and catch up with my old SF coworkers at dinner.

Reverse Rat Tail

I got some questions about "wtf would a reverse rat tail be". Here it is. It sort of looks like pig tails but instead its just much longer hair on each side of her head while the rest of her hair is cropped very close to her melon. Her hair really was orange. The grey lines are to give her hair texture because MS Paint doesn't allow for awesome shading.

F U 'new' Bucktown

I had to go to Bucktown today for an appointment. I haven't been there at all really since I moved from there to UKV in early February. I couldn't believe how much it has changed. When I moved the Marc Jacobs, Nanette Lepore, and Cynthia Rowley were all set to open. I found that pretty irritating because although the boutiques on Damen were too pricey for me at least they weren't chains. Gave the street a more local feeling. Today in addition to those 3 designers, there is an Intermix, BCBG, Club Monaco, a Lululemon (Workout Gear Lite aka not for real athletes but for people that like looking cute at Cheetah Gym down the street) about to open. There's one more that I'm not remembering right now...

I had 35 minutes to kill before my appointment so I walked in a few of these stores. Nobody acknowledged my existence. I may have been a little shlumpy looking today but I got my new haircut, good glasses, cute shoes, so I couldn't have looked that "poor" but seriously, how hard is it to mutter a one syllable "hi"? And if I wanted to be really petty (which I sort of do), hey Intermix staff, you may be only 18 but that's no excuse for not fixing your horrific acne. Yeah I said it. Uggos have no right to be snots to potential customers.

So I was feeling pretty shitty about myself pretty quickly. I'm clearly not fashionable enough or rich looking enough for the sales people to say hi or ask if I need help. One store, BCBG, said hi very friendly though. They asked me what I was looking for, why I was there (??), then said...

"We have other sizes in the back of the store."

What other sizes? The FPS? Fat People Sizes? Does being a size 4 dress and 8 jeans now qualify me as needing FPS? I thought those were pretty average sizes. Fucking hell man. Maybe I was feeling down so I took it as her saying I was porkin' but I couldn't imagine any other reason for her to tell me she has other sizes in the dark corners of the end of the store.

And then I waited 40 minutes for a southbound Damen bus, where I was whistled at TWICE by men in cars. I also was waiting with a 40-something woman who thought she was really trendy who had...a reverse rat tail. You heard me. Try and figure that one out.


Bucktown, you are dead to me.

words to live by

I'm reading Sisterhood, Interrupted: From Radical Women to Grrls Gone Wild by Deborah Siegel. Its pretty feminism 101ish but still an enjoyable read. Siegel includes a Gloria Steinem quote that I keep coming back to. From Sisterhood, "As Steinem explained, whether at speak-outs, consciousness-raising groups, or public hearings, the goal was "Tell your personal truth, listen to other women's stories, see what themes are shared, and discover that the personal is political - you are not alone." (I inevitably sing Michael Jackson next)

I think speak-outs and public hearings have gone the way of the 8-track or betamax, and have been converted/upgraded to newer more accessible outlets - blogs. I think zines were in between the public hearings and blogs. Of course zines still exist and are fun and amazing and feminist and subversive and all that (Hi Alycia!) but the ease of push-button publishing, zero costs (you can blog for free from the public library) and the ubiquitousness of the internet make blogs the avenue of choice to conduct the modern-day speak-outs/public hearings. Plus the ability to comment and create discussion with other feminists (or just randoms!) immensely increases consciousness raising and public forums in an improved manner - now we get to consciousness raise with people that aren't just in our neighborhood or social circle. We get to speak to women around the world about their daily lives, their personal is political themes.

Something I've been pondering lately is if criticizing blogging (female specifically) is a form of backlash. It most definitely is when you take examples of men threatening violence and spewing sexual harassment and female-hate towards prominent female (and feminist) bloggers for simply writing their beliefs. But is it backlash to hate on a woman blogger who isn't writing solely as a 'feminist', who is writing as just your average woman? Is it backlash for men to say "she shouldn't write that"? Is that a way of silencing the personal, of trivializing a person's life and thoughts? Or is it just a product of a society that continues to adhere to traditional puritanistic views of what should be out in the open?

Are male personal bloggers criticized? Certainly. But I think they get criticized in a different way. Of course I have no statistics but it seems as if there are more females using their blog as more of a reflective diary than men...? So for men to write a post detailing some great personal pain or struggle would come off as weak and unmasculine. Perhaps one reason there is (anecdotally) fewer male reflective bloggers is because they aren't raised in a society that is accepting of men expressing themselves. So men are also being screwed over by societal norms.

I think it's sad that there aren't traditional consciousness raising groups. We have stitch'n'bitches but I'd like to see more women coming together and just talking about their daily concerns, victories, struggles and questions. We do that at a bar or at a friend's party, but how often are we getting a group of women that aren't already friends together to do what Steinem discussed? And why aren't we?

I have learned over the years that I have a need to get things off my chest. For years I thought I was much more closed off and didn't need to relate on a personal level with others but I've grown out of that. Now, for whatever reason, I want to express myself and I desire a venue with which to do that. I'm not a musician or an actress, and I enjoy writing, so here it is. Is it vanity? The need for attention? The desire to connect with others for support? Boredom? The mere documenting of my life for remembrance in the future? The need to explain myself because I'm not good at it face to face? An outlet for angsts and achievements? Does it really matter why the hell I do it? If you follow the advice of our feminist foremothers, the "why" doesn't matter one f'in bit (sidenote: foremothers isn't a recognized word but forefathers is. harumph).

I believe, and have believed in it since I first learned the phrase 10 years ago, that the personal is political. Its disheartening to not hear so much about CR groups, about personal is political, as if the need for women to learn from each other and acknowledge how the state interferes and manipulates their personhood has disappeared. In a time where any day now we'll be returning to wire hanger back room abortions, where we have corporate right-wing pharmacies disguising themselves as 'normal' pharmacies but in fact they don't dispense any birth control or educate about basic women's health concerns (yet dispense Viagra, right...), where we watch female political figures repeatedly bound and gagged for being noisy loud-mouthed shrews or "angry black women" (Michelle Obama), where we can't walk two steps without seeing a skinny big-titted white woman selling us body dysmorphia and self hate, where we continue to see nothing wrong with genderizing our children from birth, where women are murdered for refusing to acknowledge a cat-call, where rape culture still exists and is accepted and perpetuated...in these times you cannot convince me that the personal isn't political.

So why have a blog where I dump my feelings, actions, heartbreak, anger, joy, mundane life details, politics, frustrations, observations, beliefs, triumphs and anguish? Because I believe with my entire being that we all (men, women, trans) should "Tell your personal truth, listen to other women's stories, see what themes are shared, and discover that the personal is political - you are not alone."

Conscientious Nerd Clothing

Finally got around to ordering my shirt this evening. Feminists and Nerds 1, My wallet 0

check it out

I wonder if my job would let me wear it? Probably not.

Today = Good Day

Dude who added this to youtube writes: The song I wake up to every morning, and on the weekends it offsets a blunt of Californias finest yadaimean?!! I miss California.

Been a good few days.

you knew it was coming sooner or later

The new My Morning Jacket blows. However, it does have a silly song about librarians on it:


My Morning Jacket - Librarian

walk across the courtyard, towards the library.
i can hear the insects buzz and the leaves 'neath my feet...

ramble up the stairwell, into the hall of books...
since we got the interweb these hardly get used.

duck into the men's room... combing thru my hair...
when god gave us mirrors he had no idea...

looking for a lesson in the periodicals...
there i spy you listening to the AM radio...

karen of the carpenters- singing in the rain...
another lovely victim of the mirror's evil way.

it's not like you're not trying, with a pencil in your hair
to defy the beauty the good lord put in there...

simple little bookworm- buried underneath...
is the sexiest librarian...take off those glasses and let down your hair for me.

so i watch you thru the bookcase- imaging a scene:
you and i at dinner, spending time, then to sleep.

and what then would i say to you- lying there in bed?
these words, with a kiss, i would plant in your head:

"what is it inside our heads that makes us do the opposite?
makes us do the opposite of what's right for us?
cause everything'd be grrreat...and everything'd be good...
My Morning Jacket - Librarian
lyrics from http://www.6lyrics.com
if everybody gave...like everybody could."

sweetest little bookworm. hidden underneath...
is the sexiest librarian...
take off those glasses and let your hair down for me.
take off those glasses and let your hair down for me.

simple little beauty- heaven in your breath.
the simplest of pleasures- the world at it's best.

blast off

I ran 9 miles this morning and may want to die a little bit. I have to go to the store and I keep putting it off. I finally got Audrey's nails cut but it took a deep sense of obligation and guilt to get her the 5 blocks to the doggy salon. I had ole single-teardrop-tatoo-under-eye lady again! She's funny.

Yesterday was a long long day. I barely had any sleep on Thursday night so waking up at 5:30 and heading out for a 3 hour drive at 6 a.m. was not pleasant. Then to sit in a windowless conference room for hours, only to sit back in the car for another 3 hours...it sucked. By the time I got the rental car back and got home on the train it was after 8 pm. I was in bed and passed out by 9:30 so the entire day was a total waste.

I'd like to go out tonight but I'm so tired right now I don't know if I'll be able to do it. If I don't go anywhere it'll mean I didn't do anything all weekend.

these are more than just words

Last night I got dinner at El Cid's back patio with new E. It was nice weather out so it felt good to be outside for a few hours. Today was work which was pretty busy because I had to get all my crap together for my trip to Bloomington tomorrow. I leave early Thursdays (therapy!) so I had to make sure everything was done by 2.

Therapy was good. No tears! We ended up talking way more about one situation and not as much about the one I thought we would. It was the first week in awhile where I left and had to immediately write things down so I could pick them back up later. Essentially she said that if I'm so exhausted from how things are going now then why am I doing it to myself? Because I'm a sucker, that's why.

I had to pick up a rental car downtown for the trip tomorrow. Work's paying for it and it sort of rules because I got to use it to make a big grocery trip tonight! I don't really want a car but sometimes it's nice to have so much freedom to hop in and go somewhere whenever I want.

I'll be up at 5 a.m. tomorrow and on the road by 6. Barf. Then it'll be a quiet night before my Saturday morning 9 mile run. The weekend seems pretty open other than absolutely having to get Audrey's nails cut.

creative way of begging

Drop a (few) Dollar(s) Here and get a very one of a kind MS Paint thank you from me that will surely be worth more than you donated once I become famous.

People who already have their famous ThanksPaints: Kevin, Paul, Liz C, Matt P, Dan M, Wendy VK, Tara L, Tamron, Soup, Lil G and Spinner, Bunge, new E, Jennifer F, Plastic P, Kris Racer, Andy B...

runners gloat

Direct TV came on time, worked quickly and professionally, and left me with a working tv again. See Comcast? That's how its done. Afterwards I scuttled off to work and spent the afternoon on a powerpoint that was both frustrating and enjoyable to work on. Despite how bored I can get, I really do enjoy the work I do.

Came home, watched some of this illustrious cable I forgot existed then went for a run. I didn't feel like going but I had a lot of angst built up in me so I knew running would help. As usual it did the trick in calming me down a bit. Exercising rules. The best part about tonight's run was that I passed two separate male runners. One of them I passed twice! It's funny because each time I'd get close to passing, the dudes would try to speed up their pace because god forbid a girl passes them. I'd breeze on by and feel f'ing awesome about it. The other thing I like to do when I'm running is run by the houses of people I know and hope they are looking out their windows or sitting on their porch. I pretend that they are and that I showboat: "Hey look! You thought I'd never stick to this and fuck man you were SO WRONG! Woohoo!" I'm saying it more to myself than to them, but the sentiment remains. I feel like people didn't really expect me to keep at this or do it well, myself included, so its absolutely fantastic to be 2.5 months into the training. Its so cool to be able to run longer, faster, farther each week. I'm proud of myself.

$#%^ Comcast @%#!

Comcast is like herpes, it just keeps on giving me horrid shit. I cancelled them over a month ago, returned my modem at the same time, and today I notice those fuckers billed me/took my money out of my checking account. I call them and they say "yeah that was wrong. You'll get reimbursed in 1-2 billing cycles." So they make a mistake, take money that I don't really have, and I have to wait 30-60 days to get it back? In Christy-terms, What the Fucking Fuck. Comcast has to be the absolute worst worst worst company on earth in terms of customer service and care. The best part is I'm not even a customer anymore and they are still stickin' it to me.

Today I'm home waiting for Direct TV to come out. Why? Because they have to adjust my satellite. Why do I have them? Because I hate comcast and they are cheaper. They also have never given me service herpes. Hopefully they'll be here between the assigned 8 am to noon time so I can get back to work.

Last night was pretty quiet. Just did laundry, made dinner, read a bit, and went to bed early.

when we reach the hill

Saturday I got brunch at Tweet which was tasty as always. I feel like I did something else but maybe not. Took a nap? I was really tired from a late night Friday and waking up early Saturday. I also watched Bujalski's Funny Ha Ha and really didn't like it. Maybe the funniest part of it was realizing how excruciating it is to watch these people do stupid shit for 90 straight minutes then realize that you are essentially doing the same stupid shit. Then I went to bed so I could get up early for my Sunday run (8 miles!). New E picked me up at 6:20 in the freakin' morning to drive me up to the run site, which totally ruled. The buses are wonky on Sundays so having a ride was awesome. I even got a ride home too! I didn't realize there were such nice people in the world, that was above and beyond the call of duty. Then we went to Feed for brunch so I could refill the 1,000 calories I lost running. I spent the afternoon napping again, then got my hair chopped off. It was so hot and my hair was too long anyway. Its basically the exact same cut and color I had during my last few months in SF when I had Jason the Bear cutting my hair. I miss him. Then Sunday evening was spent watching The White Diamond with new E. I reaffirmed my hero-worship for Red Beard/Mark Antony in the film and my odd desire to move to Guyana and just hang out with my roosters all day. Its a good film for putting my idiocy in check.

So the activities of the weekend were all pretty decent, but mentally I was exhausted. I feel so stupid because I'm essentially looking a gift horse in the mouth. If only resolve actually stuck. I'd also like people to make all my tough decisions for me because I'm lazy and totally stressed out. I have a few weeks to work on this current one which helps me. I'll probably spend it re-reading Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (or at least the bits where he stays in the well) and attempting to grow the eff up and realize whats good and whats bad for me.

lost in the clouds

Yesterday I took new Edward (I should figure out a better way to differentiate him from good ole Eddie) to his first White Sox game. We met up at the Billy Goat for drinks beforehand. I thought it was sort of strange going there just for drinks but apparently its pretty normal as it was busy in there. We ran into a ton of people he knows through literary circles. We got to the game and found good seats downstairs, ate hot dogs, drank beer, the usual. Eventually met up with Miller who had even better seats and stuck it out until the end of the 11th inning. It was after 11 pm and on a work night so we gave up. The game ended up going 15 innings so it was probably a good idea.

I got home and took Audrey out. She was terrified of the lightning and kept running under people's fences! She's never done that before. She also absolutely refused to crap. Her loss - she went 24 hours without doing it when she normally does it 2-3 times a day. So there you have my dogs shit schedule.

Tomorrow is the Sleep Out CD release which will no doubt prohibit my ability to wake up at 5:15 for marathon training Saturday. Prior to the show I'm going to get together with new E and Andy for dinner at Fernandos. Usually leads to a beautiful hot mess afterwards. As a result I'll be joining the Sunday group for my 8 mile run. Lets hope they aren't losers. I like my Saturday group. Then I get a long overdue haircut. Exciting.

entertaining way to kill time

I'm in the middle of a "who can send each other the worst and gayest video of all time" (in the best sense of the word of course) war right now. I think I have the ultimate trump card with my tale. My dad waited in line for hours to meet Cher and get her autograph on a photo with the outfit she has on in this video. It is on his office desk. No Bryan Ferry dressed as a nazi singing love songs could ever top this tale.

on ships of gold, i never knew

So I have a ton ton ton of things going on, and I don't have the slightest idea where to begin or how to explain any of it. I guess there maybe isn't so much of a need since my closest friends are aware. I'm conflicted about writing about it just yet, maybe because I don't want to jinx things or also because involved parties don't know this dumbo blog exists and I'm not sure when/if this gets revealed. Life is totally unreal this week on so many levels that my head is exploding, in some ways very good and others very bad.

I've been reading a lot of feminist texts about women bloggers and what it means to be able to put your personal voice into the lexicon of public consciousness and history, and how if you look back over time that it was totally revolutionary and new to be able to have the option of being heard as an 'average woman'. I've been reading a lot about voices of past women, that women who kept seemingly innocuous diaries ended up teaching generations and centuries of women in the future so much about the culture/society of which these women lived in. (Think No Priest but Love the book of Anne Lister's diary for proof of the impact independent writing can bring. Without her diary we wouldn't understand how lesbianism/female friendships were manifested in 1800s France. I read this book years ago and it has always served as a writing inspiration for me.) I'm not saying I'm some revolutionary - hardly - but I think what many of these women are saying taps into me on a very root level and helps me understand why I do this in this manner. And motivates me to continue despite adversaries/haters/jerks/whatever. Like any website, move along if you can't stand it. Or enjoy mocking it. Who gives a shit what anyone does anymore really. Its the internet.

Last night new Edward made me some killer turkey burgers with oddly fancy bacon and swiss cheese as well as an arugula salad that was pretty sweet. I also got surprised today at work with a lunch hand delivered to me. Its a very welcome change of pace. Tomorrow is a Sox game and Thursday is (maybe) a book reading if I'm up for it.

Don't waste your time, I know whats on your mind

Today is one of those "listen to Prince" days. Sunny out, walked to the green line this morning and sat next to a totally insane guy who eventually got kicked off. Been enjoying a very quiet day at work. So back to what I did this weekend, because you know, its oh so important.

Saturday I did nothing. Yup. I ran 7 miles, napped, got some food at the store, then sat at home alone and watched two more mumblecore movies. One was ehhh (LOL) and one was actually pretty good (Mutual Appreciation). I probably liked Mutual Appreciation mostly because the lead dude, Alan (who happens to be in the band Bishop Allen) is really cute. Look:



Don't you just wanna tousle that hair some more? I do. Only problem is he has that angle prob - you know - where you look horrid from certain angles. It is an affliction of which I also suffer.

Sunday I went to Trader Joe's with new Edward. Then I returned home, took a super long nap on accident, read some more of Miranda July's No one belongs here more than you (yeah yeah quit with your literary snobbishness, I'm embarrassed enough already). Then new Edward came back at 6 to make turkey burgers and salad. We watched the Hype Williams best of DVD which had the most insane R Kelly video on it for "half on a baby." Then we watched Pootie Tang. I've never seen it before. It was pretty dumb but in the fun way. Wanda Sykes was good. We never made the meal because we weren't hungry. Whoops.

My air conditioning is broken at my place and its getting really hot. It's annoying because I don't get much of a cross wind in the place to cool it down, and Audrey goes insane when the windows are open. She kept me up all night.