PBS' Depression: Out of the Shadows

While I hem and haw over what to write next, I highly recommend everyone on earth to watch Depression: Out of the Shadows on PBS. You can even watch it online, so no excuses. Or, just watch the fist 5 minutes, the beginning of Emma's story (especially when she says she can never remember having any interests in her life), and minutes 48ish to 50 because these three sections basically could have been said by me but with a level of eloquence that I lack. And if not said by me, the bits explain so much to people who don't get it.

One quote: "If you think about the worst you have ever felt in your life, and imagine feeling like that every day and not knowing why, then you'll know what depression is. You feel it as anguish in your chest, you feel it in everyone of your bones and ligaments, you feel a heaviness in moving."

Another: "Depression tortures you every day with the idea that you suffer and somehow I ought to be able to do something about it and I can't."

Minutes 48-50 describe just how hard it is to find the right anti-depressant for you. It can take months or years to find the right one, which is so awful because you just want to be better but you are stuck waiting and waiting. One of the doctor's interviewed said that in any other illness you'd want to take pills that start to relieve the pain within hours, but with depression its accepted/normal to have to wait up to 6 weeks to see how a medication will affect you. Imagine waiting 6 weeks for a UTI to be relieved only to find out that the first medication tried isn't working so you get to start all over again and wait another 6 weeks to see if this second one may work. Ouch.

It sounds sort of melodramatic, but then depression itself is pretty melodramatic in its manifestation to anybody who hasn't experienced it. The first person interviewed explains it as "depression is when you find life as totally overwhelming." I'd agree. Its the feeling where you refuse to get out of bed, treat people with either gross neglect or total harshness (assuming you even see anyone), and even just having to decide what to wear to work that day or which cereal to eat is paralyzing. It sounds so stupid to people who've never had it. It makes me feel sort of stupid for having it, but its there. And its now mostly better, or at least controlled enough.

This feature was nice for me because I got to see a dozen other people with varying stages and forms of depression and hear them say things I've always felt and tried to convey to others on a national stage without stigma or shame. Since depression is a disease of loneliness, its really comforting to hear others talk about it. Makes you feel less alone. Good job PBS.