retail therapy and therapy

Wednesday I took a vacation day because I just couldn't handle the thought of sitting at work for 8 hours doing nothing. My friend Andy has the week off from teaching (Spring Break!), so we went on a suburban shopping excursion to the premium outlets in Aurora (yes, where Wayne's World takes place). It was a strange mix of very midwestern outlet mall and then high end stores like Armani and Diesel outlets. I realized earlier this week that I have no clothes for this spring or summer, and that I was still wearing clothes I bought when I lived in Madison which was 6 years ago. Sick! I'm not that body shape anymore nor should I be dressing like I'm 21. So I splurged a bit and got: 3 skirts (one black mini, one knee length denim, one amazing herringbone/tweedish a-line), 2 shirts for summer, 1 adorbs cardigan, 2 bras, underwear, 3 pairs of socks, one pair of work bermuda-style shorts. So much! It was really fun to take all the tags off and hang new things in my closet for the first time in a long time. I also ordered a great pair of canvas skimmers/flats for summer feet happy time. Now if only the weather would accommodate my new clothes and stop snowing!

Wednesday night I saw Sleep Out at the Beat Kitchen. I was really nervous to go as it was the first time I've seen anybody since 'the breakup'. There was a competing show last night, so fortunately (?) I didn't have to see too many people and feel stupid and worthless and unwanted. It's all in my head though, I'm aware, nobody acted or treated me stupidly. Stupid head.

Speaking of a stupid head, today I met with a therapist. I haven't seen one in Chicago before. There's a funny story about accidentally calling some freaky religious psychotherapy group, but have no fear, I found a much cooler place to go that has feminist therapists. I liked the woman, but usually it takes awhile to know if they are really good. She seems to think that it'll be about 12 weeks to really make major headway on my "goals" which apparently are:

-stop being jealous/hurt when people don't invite me to do things but invite others
-stop being a control freak/mother to Nate
-stop thinking everybody hates me or thinks I'm not cool or that people 'owe me' for whatever reason I think that (I don't know why I think that, hence the therapy)

It was sort of weird to be on a therapist's couch again. My last session was almost exactly two years ago, when I decided to move to Chicago and start anew, and here I am having many of the same problems I had then with regards to control/perfection/depression. Guess I'm stuck with this for life. How's that for depressing, that I'm just permanently damaged and will spend my entire life having to be conscious of how good or bad I've got it under control.

Tomorrow I'm doing dinner and a movie with Nate, and Saturday I'm doing crafty/sewing day with Wendy. Should be a pretty ok weekend.