I can't make this shit up...

In my 4.5 hours on the desk today, I had 3 amazing patrons. Pretty good ratio of time to wackos. I'll rewrite the conversations then provide my own commentary.

Conversation one, 8:35 a.m.:

Middle aged 'community member' (i.e. not a student, just some dude we let in): Hi, how are you?
Me: Fine, do you have a question?
Guy: I'm great thank you very much for asking.
Me: Oh, sorry, how are you? Do you need any help?
Guy: Nope. How was your weekend? Did you watch the game?
Me: Uh nope
Guy: What? How do you expect to find a man if you ain't watchin the game?
Me: Uh, I'll find someone who doesn't watch football.
Guy: So that's your criteria huh? He a freak.

My analysis: 8:35 on a Monday morning really isn't the best time to make chit-chat. Sure, I guess I forgot the nicety of asking him how he is, but do I really care? No. Was it necessary of him to point out my (questionable) rudeness? No. Even better was that he A - assumed I'm heterosexual and B - that I don't have a man. It should be noted that our waiter at Silver Cloud pulled the same "I'm so great thank you so much for thinking of me" shit on us on Friday night. Is it really that awful that I forgot or was too lazy to return what I consider to be a mostly rhetorical question? Fuck man, when did having to make small talk with every shmoe become a requirement to eat dinner or umm..sit at my freaking job all morning?

Conversation 2, 10:00a.m.:

Set-up: 6 female students who speak minimal English ask me where our fancy 3-hole puncher is. I don't see it anywhere, which is odd because it is huge. I look in our back office just in case, then ask my boss if he has seen it lately. Boss came out and saw that it was at a table with a student. Said male student was not using the puncher, nor is he allowed to remove things from the desk.

Me: Excuse me, this needs to stay at the desk there are a bunch of people waiting for it.
Him: Are you asking me if I'm done using it?
Me: Uhh...well you really can't remove it from my desk, all those people over there need it.
Him: Are you asking me if I'm done using it?
Me: I guess??
Him: I am, and even if I weren't it doesn't matter because I got it first.
Me: Ok, but you don't have permission to move it away from the desk.
Him: Even if I left it at the desk, I got here first so all those people would have to wait.
Me: Ok! (bad fake smile, grab puncher and run)

My analysis: Couldn't he just have said "oh sorry, yeah" and let me take it? Did he have to be all snide and repeat that totally bitchy question? Why does this seem so similar to the "I'm great thanks for asking me" response I got earlier? Am I really a total dick? I had to hand it to him - he was technically 'there first' but he also wasted all my time searching for it, and all these girls were nervous that we didn't have it anymore. And he broke THE RULES. We in the library love RULES. Don't take my shit man! What a dick, I was so angry after that. He left me thinking maybe I really am super rude and awful. Screw him for making me question my 'tude. At least he didn't pull the "listen lady, I pay your salary so fuck you where is your manager."

Conversation 3, 3:30 p.m.:

Another middle aged 'community' guy: Hey can you help me log onto the scanner?
Me: Sure!
Guy: You are so nice, are you from Wisconsin?
Me: I lived there for awhile.
Guy: But are you from the midwest?
Me: Yeah
Guy: I knew it, you got that midwest hospitality, you are so nice. (looks at my thighs and ass)
Me: Yeah thanks, well it's all set up so bye.

My analysis: This is the second middle aged man in a day that was a bit too jovial with me, and I obviously saw you checking me out. Yes, I'm a bit corn-fed, thanks for looking in the worst spot. And, as my friend Tamar noticed, DUDE WE ARE IN THE MIDWEST! I realized that I felt a bit like a stripper - I'm only being nice to you because I have to. Sheesh.

Luckily for me, I find all this mostly humorous so it didn't get me down. Plus I knew it'd give me something to blog about, which is always great.