a bloody suburban weekend

Friday night Ed, Andy, Nate and I went on a “suburban double date.” The idea was born when Ed and I were bored at work and looking to do something different that evening. We decided dinner at the mall in Schaumburg and a movie at the suburban multiplex would be fun. So the four of us got in Ed’s car (its for sale!) and trekked to the suburbs via the lovely interstate. We ate at a Ruby Tuesday’s. The last time I ate there was at lunch time with my grandparents at least five years ago for their salad bar. I didn’t know that it was all burgers and beef on the menu! Literally, pages and pages of red meat. We had fun under the faux-tiffany lighting and fake authentic décor. Nate even wore some shirt his parents got him that is pretty horrid to celebrate the suburbs.

Then we drove to the other side of the mall and went to a movie. We saw Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married?. Nobody bothered to tell Nate it was a Tyler Perry movie until we got there because I knew he’d probably ditch if he found out. It was…ok…I mean it’s a romantic comedy with bad acting that is 30 minutes longer than it should be. Who would expect anything more? The best part was the audience around us making comments at everything in the movie. I especially liked when all the women whooped when shirtless dudes came on. We got home around 1 a.m., and declared suburban night a success, and also something that doesn’t need to be conquered again for quite some time.

At home. I ask Nate to walk Audrey one last time because I’m exhausted. I lay in bed, and I know he’s walking her around the block because he wanted a cigarette. A few minutes later I hear a ton of dogs barking like mad and a guy shouting and Nate shouting “Audrey Audrey!” It went on for what felt like an eternity but was probably 45 seconds. I should have just gone right out there but I didn’t have shoes on, and was already in bed. Nate comes back in and is like “your neighbors dogs attacked Audrey” so I have to check Audrey for bites. She’s covered in slobber and totally freaked out, but at first I didn’t see any blood. Then on the bed Nate and I are rubbing her stomach and trying to get her to feel happy and safe and I notice blood on her leg. Not tons of blood, but two definite separate attack marks that were bleeding. She licked her leg all night trying to clean it poor little girl.

If you remember awhile back, she got attacked in the hallway by these very same dogs. This is also the nosy neighbor woman who I don’t like in the first place. So I told her I needed to see her vaccination records for her pets since they made Audrey bleed. She tells me she can’t find them because of “all the boxes” (please god tell me that means she is moving out), but gave me her vet’s number instead. I don’t really need to see them, Audrey wasn’t hurt all that bad, but I said that to show her this can’t just be brushed off. She told me she was up all night crying over it, and really I was like “good you should be.” I asked her when she got the 3rd dog (she used to only have two uncontrollable ones) and she glared, looked at her boyfriend, and was like “he found her and couldn’t let her be a stray.” I told her she needs to get control of her pets. I really wanted to say “this is the second time your dogs have done this to Audrey, and next time the landlord and animal care and control are being called” but I’m too big of a wuss and scaredy cat to say that.

So poor Audrey! She seems fine now, her normal lapdog self. She’s been barking meaner and more often when people walk by the apartment, but that makes total sense. I feel bad mostly because today is my 2 year anniversary with her! Who wants to get attacked right before their 2 year anniversary with their mommy? Not Audrey. Oh and guess what else? I’m at work, doing one of my Sunday shifts, instead of enjoying this beautiful day outside with my dog and thinking about how she’s changed my life and how I love her more than I love most humans. When I get home I’ll take her for a long walk where she can sniff and roll in dirt and be happy. Audrey you are the best thing to ever happen to me, you are always there for me, you know when I’m bumming out, you wake me up in the morning and go to sleep with me at night, you are a total joy, you love having Nate around and he loves hanging out with you, you are the raddest little mutt on earth. So sorry you got busted up Friday, but I believe you were once from the streets anyway and can handle a few thug dogs.