you ruined my holiday!

Another day of intense learning and lectures just went by. This morning we had to do mock instruction sessions, and everyone in my peer-review group said that I was a wonderful storyteller! And they meant it too! The real instructor said I have a real knack for telling a story and that the 'class' was very engaged the entire time. If I can tell a story about different types of grocery stores and relate it to databases and have people like it, then I must be doing something right. This was a very self-affirming moment for me. It was also amazing to see others teach, as my job does absolutely no evaluation or observation. God, what has this stupid conference done to me? I care about teaching!?

I got really cranky in the middle of the day. Much of this experience is an exercise in patience when dealing with other personality types. I also had to take these various learning style and personality tests and all the answers pointed to me=robot. I care little for the emotional connection and don't want any fluffy shit. I demand logic in my learning and want to be taught at instead of forced to work in peer groups. I was able to do a pretty sweet robot impression. New nickname, Robo-trick?

I forgot to bring my allergy meds so I've had a constant sinus headache. I'm in the middle of nowhere, so no access to a store to pick some up. Oh well.

Wow, libraries and allergies, I'm such a fucking nerd. So let's get all mushy introspective to make it worse, shall we?

I think a lot about how I am passionate about my career, but that it never seems to surface at work or outwardly to anybody else. In fact, I am passionate about a few things (feminism, film, libraries, social justice...) but I still give off this impression of coldness. I've heard a few times, and more recently by people I thought knew me better, quips like "you are the last person who would have kids!" or "man if that can make you sappy it must be totally corny *insert lolz here*" It hurts me to know that my friends think I'm some unloving cold-hearted person. Worse, I'm worried I give off that impression at the beginning of a relationship and it results in a misleading idea of who I am and what I want.

So to take these learning style tests and see that all results scream Robo-woman, it's rough. Intellectually I'm very much a realist. I need logic and most everything is black and white for me. My brother would say that means I'm cognitively underdeveloped and therefore not intelligent. But I know that I'm 'bright' when it comes to intelligence. Uhh..what was I saying...Oh yes, in reality I'm not a robot! If I am, I'm like some freaky emotional Cylon or something? I don't know, I guess what I'm getting at is that I need to figure out how to convey that I truly do give a shit without coming off overly mushy.

Mind you, this is all in inter-personal interactions - face to face - not via this sap-blog I have running here.

This post brought to you by my isolation in a dorm room for hours.