Home, SF Day 6,7

My favorite blanket reeks of dog and my apartment smells like basement. It's good to be back! The flight was delayed over four hours due to rain in Chicago, so I was stuck in Oakland with nothing to do but pay for wireless so I could goof off. I had trouble concentrating on my book (Murakami's Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman) yet couldn't sleep either. I also didn't want to hear any of my albums on my iRiver. So I sort of just sat there for the four and a half hour flight, and felt lucky that my flight was one of very few that was not canceled.

Tuesday was my last full day in San Francisco. I ran over to Macy's to get those jeans, and met up with Leticia for lunch. It was really nice to see her and catch up with her way cool life. I spent the rest of the afternoon buying Christmas gifts in the Mission. Jake and I then went to Puerto Alegre one more time for dinner. We returned home to talk about stuff. Not much I can say about it on a public blog. The words conclusion and closure can be typed however. He had his radio show, so I went to bed. And you know now how today went - I sat in an airport.

Overall the trip was very nice. I did what I wanted to do, saw who I wanted to see, ate the right foods, relaxed, slept, dealt with some stuff. It was good. I don't feel the same desperate longing for SF that I have felt the past six months. This trip has really helped me move on and make my life in Chicago permanent.

Funny side note, my mom asked me where I stayed in SF. I told her I stayed with Jake. She then asked me if I had fun, and I said "yeah, too bad I have to work tomorrow" and she sort of freaked and said "You aren't moving back there are you?!" I told her, "no mom, just saying vacations are nice" and she said "well is Jake moving to Chicago then?" what?? I told her, "no mom, we are friends, he is not moving here ever, and I am not moving there ever." Amazing that she somehow thought we were together again. That's my mom for you.

I wrote a lot of snippets in my new tiny notebook when I was on the plane. I like carrying that thing around to write down my thoughts throughout the day. It seems like a good exercise for me to do, considering I am attempting (weakly) to write all the time. I'll put those bits on here tomorrow, most of them are freaky anger spout-offs and I don't want to mar this post with that crud.

I miss Audrey! I can pick her up tomorrow. I wanted to today but the stupid delay got me in way too late. I hope she remembers me!

Interesting Quote

Read this today while I was drinking coffee during a break from shopping for xmas gifts:

For centuries, female reluctance to "have sex," female dislike of "sex," female frigidity, female avoidance of "sex," have been legendary. This has been the silent rebellion of women against the force of the penis, generations of women as one with their bodies, chanting in a secret language, unintelligible even to themselves, a contemporary song of freedom: I will not be moved. The aversion of women to the penis and to sex as men define it, overcome only when survival and/or ideology demand it, must not be seen as puritanism (which is a male strategy to keep the penis hidden, taboo, and sacred), but as women's refusal to pay homage to the primary purveyor of male aggression, one on one, against women. In this way, women have defied men and subverted male power. It has been an ineffectual rebellion, but it has been rebellion nonetheless.

--Andrea Dworkin, 1979

SF Trip Days 4, 5

Yesterday I spent most of the day in the Union Square area shopping. It was rainy, so I tried to stay inside the new Westfield Shopping Center (Centre) expansion. The new Bloomingdales is there, which was super fancy. Most of the day was a bust, except for my splurge on AG jeans that are way out of my budget. I am picking them up from getting altered tomorrow morning.

I got accosted in an Urban Outfitters of all places, regarding my hair. This Jeffrey Sebelia lookin' character came up to me and said: "I work at DiPietro Todd Salon, and I was wondering if you would like to be a hair model for me." I was like "well...sounds fun but I'm leaving Wednesday." He (Anderson) said "no problem it is tomorrow at 11, I wouldn't do anything bad, just clean up the back a bit, make your hair frame your face better." DiPietro Todd is one of the top, if not the top, salon in San Francisco, and this was a free hair cut. How could I say no? I couldn't, so I told him I'd see him at 11 on Monday. Weee! Although, I did say "so does this mean my haircut is awful?" and he said "no, it just needs a little repair" haha.

After shopping, Jake and I walked down to the Mission to eat at Puerto Alegre, my favorite Mexican restaurant. I had a chicken taco, cheese enchilada, and rice and beans. We split a pitcher of their famously strong margaritas. It was soooo good. My favorite host wasn't in however, which was sort of sad. I did get to hear some travelling mariachi musicians, one of my favorite parts of eating there. We returned home and watched 7 Up and 7 Plus Seven, those British documentaries about children from different backgrounds. I passed out during the second one.

This morning was the haircut. Anderson and his instructor, Kimmy (sp), cut my hair. Very. Slowly. I expected as much. It took 2.5 hours for them to do a different version of a graduated bob. Its a bit shorter, but its very cute, and they are right - it does make my face look better. Unfortunately I'm afraid to have to style it myself, I'm sure I won't be able to do it correctly. Guess I can never wash it again. The whole experience was really fun. I learned about my strange "growth patterns" on the back of my head and talked about how cliched it is for hardcore/punks to go into hair styling (Anderson is a total neck-tattoo type).

After the haircut I went to my old job and reunited with old coworkers and old students I used to boss around. It was strange being there, seeing people doing the same exact things they were doing 7 months ago. I'm not sure why I keep thinking everything has to be different. It was good to see them, but I realized that I didn't really miss them like I thought I did. They were excellent people to work with, good relief from my otherwise dull life, but I don't feel the need to come back in six months to say hi. It's good I'm learning all this, more proof that my move was the best decision I've ever made.

I left old job and bought some clothes on Haight St. Then we went to all you can eat pizza night at Goat Hill Pizza, in my old 'hood of Potrero Hill.

Tomorrow is my last full day here. I'm getting lunch (Sunflower again haha) with Leticia, picking up my altered fancy jeans, and buying stuff from Little Otsu (I want This Elephant t-shirt and this sweatshirt). Then it will be one more good dinner, one more good breakfast Wednesday, and I return to Chicago and to my little Audrey. She's apparently been a hyper little devil at Natalie and Matt's.

I'm excited to get back to Chicago and to my friends, but not excited to have to work again and take out the dog at 6 a.m. every day.

SF Trip Day 1,2,3

I landed in Oakland at 12:30 pm on Thursday, and Jake picked me up and drove me over to San Francisco. I was really hoping that Sunflower (Vietnamese) or Puerto Alegre (Mexican) would be open for lunch, but no luck. Instead we ran to the grocery store to pick up potatoes for a pot-luck, and bought chips and salsa for lunch. I took a nap, and Jake's friend Sarah picked us up in this hideous massive van, with no rear view mirror, and drove us to Oakland. Her friend Doug was visiting her from Columbus, OH, and the four of us went to a home where Jake's friends were house-sitting. Therefore, it was a pretty nice home. We made polenta/tomato casserole, eggplant stuffed peppers, vietnamese duck (purchased from Clement St), sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, stuffing, mushroom gravy, and some fruity jello dessert. We drank lots of wine, sake, and they drank whiskey. I was really concerned about drunk driving so I stayed sober, which turned out to be a good idea. The driver got blitzed and asked me to drive home. I freaked about how big and unsafe the van was and asked Jake to sober up so he could drive us back over the bridge. We also played pictionary and then dictionary (poor man's balderdash). Overall the night was fun, but nobody wanted to go home until 2 am, so I had been up for 25 hours at that point. I was worried I'd have nothing to say to a bunch of improve noise kids, but I think I held my own pretty well.

Friday Jake and I walked through the peninsula to the Pork Store Cafe on Haight St for some pancakes for brunch. We returned to his apartment, and I went into a food coma and passed out. I then met up with my old coworker Lloyd and his friend Morgan for drinks at Zeitgeist around 5 pm. Marie and Matt (also old coworkers) showed up as well. We had a few pitchers of Downtown Brown, got chilly, and walked to Lloyd's house which is only a block away. At his house one of my all time favorite people, Eric, showed up and I got to talk tv and queer stuff with him for hours. My replacement at my old job came too, which was funny. I was such a favorite there, I feel sort of bad for her to have to fill my shoes. Lloyd's friend Angel came, who is probably my age. Angel's family lived next to Lloyd so they have known each other since Angel was born (Lloyd is 52). Anyway, for some reason Angel was digging through my bag(???) and saw my Dworkin book about pornography in there. He asked me if I was reading pornography, and I explained to him no, this book is about how pornography abuses women. He said "but some people really like being in porno" and I didn't really know how to handle this. He also said things like "hey, I'd be gay for pay!" in regards to doing gay porn. Essentially, dude was a mega thug. So I had trouble handling it but didn't want to start a big debate with someone who so obviously wouldn't get it. Instead, by the end of the night he was like "hey girl, can I take you out some time?" I was like "uhhh" and he said "give me your number, I'd like to see you." I said, "Ask Lloyd for my number" and he said, "well can I give you mine?" I was like "ummm I'll just get it from Lloyd" and ran out of there. Nothing like smoking some intense weed with a thug who five minutes later hits on you. It was a supremely strange experience. I got back to Jake's around 2 am, passed out, and proceeded to have dreams that I was on the island in LOST.

Today I woke up around 11, and we walked to the Mission to eat at Sunflower. Oh how I missed the imperial rolls and pan fried rice noodles with prawns! I stuffed my face because I have no idea when I will be able to get back there. It was the same waiter as always, same place as always. I then walked around Valencia St a bit. Little Otsu moved from 16th to 20th and Valencia, a much better location. There were so many cute shirts in there I wanted to buy, so I may return and pick one up. Otherwise Valencia was pretty much the same.

Then I took the N train to the CalTrain Depot, and took CalTrain to Menlo Park. My dad picked me up from the station and took me to my aunt and uncle's house. My dad, his wife, and her mother are all here on vacation too. My aunt cooked us a fancy meal and even fancier dessert and we drank fancy wines. We had the usual discussion about Leo, my polish mafia step grandfather, and about my dad's hijinx as teenager. Every time we get together all we do is tell old family stories. I wonder if other families are like this - they have nothing to talk about in common so they just tell old stories. I find it odd, yet comforting. I got super tired so my dad drove me back to San Francisco just now, and here I sit in Jake's bedroom.

Jake is living in an apartment with a bunch of people I never see around, all musician types. His room is nice, but the apartment is piled with junk everywhere. It's sort of weird to see him in this environment. In fact, it is sort of strange for me to be here. I feel like I haven't left San Francisco. Some things have changed, some new stores, new cafes, but the people are all the same, the surroundings the same. And true, it has only been 6 months since I moved, so nothing should have changed really. I guess I just think about what I've accomplished in these past six months, and how much I have changed, and I forget that nobody else went through all that like I did. I shouldn't be surprised that the same waiter for Sunflower is there, he's been there for years. I shouldn't be surprised that the pink house at the corner of Waller and Pierce is still empty. So I remain lost in my own thoughts, thoughts of my new life, my old life, stagnation and change.

I scribbled the following when I was on the train today: "2:15, SF, feel mixture of dead and free while walking the streets. Suppressed because thoughts of my old life surface, how unalive I was when here. Free because the city lends itself to getting lost in others." I felt so smothered at times in the city, which is a strange feeling to have in one of the most laid back places on earth. I put much of the blame for that feeling on myself. I have actively changed that in Chicago, and I am much much happier. I love my new life, and I am so proud of myself for having the courage to get out of this life and into where I am now. This thought occurred to me when my dad was making fun of me for living in Chicago. He hates the city and is ashamed I am there. He doesn't understand why being near my friends is so important to me. He always asks me "so how many more years in Chicago, 2 more?" As if its not my final destination point. It's really insulting. I may not love the city, but I would jump off cliffs for the people I've met there and that means so much to me I almost burst into tears just thinking about it.

Anyway...tomorrow I want to go get some Dungeoness Crab down at the warf (Dungeoness Crab season started last week), go shopping (I ruined my pants with spilled red wine on Thursday), and get margaritas and enchiladas at Puerto Alegre with Jake. I am going to be so fat when I get back.

Vacation

I'm leaving in less than 12 hours for San Francisco. I haven't packed yet, but I'm pretty fast at it. I dropped Audrey off at Matt and Natalie's house, where she will get to play with beagles for hours and hours. Natalie called me and said that Audrey cried at the door when I left. Poor puppy! She'll have fun soon enough. It's heartwarming to know how much my dog loves me. It's very quiet in the apartment without her, I may be scared tonight without my thug dog watching over the place.

My schedule in SF so far includes a Thanksgiving pot luck tomorrow, party with coworkers Friday, dinner with family Saturday, and stopping by old job Monday. Otherwise it will be a lot of food, walking, shopping, wandering my old favorite spots. It'll be great.

I got another book today, fiction this time. The book is Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman, a collection of short stories by Murakami. I'm not a big short story fan because I like to get really involved with the characters in long books (probably way Anna Karenina is my favorite book). However, Murakami is one of my favorite authors and I want to read everything he has ever written.

It's that time again...

you know, that time when I drink too much at a friend's birthday party? And then declare publicly on my blog how I'm pretty much the coolest gal ever? Yeah, cuz I am.


You snooze you lose!

mash up(dates)

I saw Stranger than Fiction last night with Jane and JP. It was more romantic-comedy than I was expecting, but it was good anyway. It made me think about my writing this month, which as I'm sure you can figure out due to my lack of updates, is faltering. I haven't written in a week. I have ideas in my head, but I am unable to transfer them to the computer. I also feel like what I have to say is stupid, and I'm battling my lack of self-confidence. I don't think I'm that horrid of a writer, but I'm painfully aware of anytime my 'novel' leans into horrid stereotypical pretentious drivel. I guess my NaNoWriMo will become NaNoWriDOSMo. I will finish it though. It's the only creative outlet that I enjoy doing, so I'm sticking to it.

Tonight I'll go to Ed's birthday party, and maybe Pub Quiz as long as the topics look good.

Every morning lately I've gotten ready with Phoenix's "If I Ever Feel Better" on repeat, and I dance around like an idiot. Living alone is great.

I'm so excited for my vacation I can hardly contain myself. A preview for The Pursuit of Happyness played before the movie last night. It takes place in San Francisco, and much of it was filmed right outside my apartment. I got all giddy seeing the hills, the ocean, the streets. I will be there soon enough, shamelessly loving my favorite city ever, devouring my favorite foods, walking on my favorite streets, seeing my favorite homeless people... I'll miss my Chicago friends that week though, I love them too. I'm just a ball of mush.

I'm re-visiting Andrea Dworkin, with a reading of Pornography: Men Possessing Women. I haven't read her since college, and I'm hoping to get re-educated on her anti-pornography stance.

Not growing up anytime soon

I'd say this weekend was an absolute success in getting me back on the train to happy town.

Friday: BSG (lame episode) at Nick's house, which turned into another night of high alcohol wine, which lead to assery at Miska's, which ended in me not getting home until dawn. Weee!

Satuday: Brunch with Nick and Dan at Flying Saucer (so good), some serious afternoon sleeping, and then girls night at the Kit Kat Lounge in Boys Town. Brooke, Jane, JP and I got blitzed on some amazing martinis. I ate kalamari. The place is so funny - they do this drag show, where this drag queen comes out every 20 minutes and sings Whitney Houston or Toni Braxton songs and dances around. It ruled, and I got to tlak to gay guys about my love of Whitney and Toni. By 10 pm I was drunk enough to pass out in the cab on the way to the Ice Factory, where our friend's band (DPC) was playing. I don't remember much other than the last band sucking big time. We then went to Club Foot and I started to feel sick from all the cigarettes and went home.

At about 4 am I woke up and felt gross. Proceeded to barf my guts out like I was 18 years old. I blame the kalamari/martini combination. I then had to wake up a few hours later to drag my ass to work. I'm in pain and have learned that french vanilla coffee with cinnamon hazlenut creamer is disgusting.

Never trust a moustache

Freaky conservative in charge of family planning office.

Seriously, I need to stop reading the news.

It comes in droves

Seriously, is it just my heightened man-fear-hatred right now that is making me notice all these problems, or is shit just raining from the sky right now? Here's the latest scary man story I have.

A new but good friend of mine lives in a big apartment building. She has a friend who lives on the same floor, but different apartment. That friend, whom we will call X, has an ex-boyfriend who is an undocumented immigrant from Jamaica. He started getting scary, and was trying to break into X's apartment, so X moved in with my friend and her roommate. A few weeks ago he did enter X's apartment when she wasn't there. They called the cops and the cops said they couldn't do anything about it until the guy physically harmed someone. She was able to get a restraining order, but we all know how successful those are.

So last week he figures out she is staying with my friend and he starts trying to get into their apartment. Last night at 4 am he broke down their door and tore the place up. My friend and her roommate are hiding in a bedroom with the door locked waiting for the police to come. Thankfully, X was somewhere else at the time. The cops arrive as he is leaving the building and he is arrested. He will hopefully be deported (can't believe I would ever say 'I hope someone is deported' but in this case I do). He is in jail now, and my friend spent the morning at the police station getting a restraining order and cancelling all credit cards, etc etc.

I'm so angry and freaked out.

boring friday

Just had a marathon 4.5 hour shift at the public desk, now I'm totally brain dead. I'm still mad at myself today, but getting a bit better slowly. Just have to stay on stupid topics and not rehash unsaid things in my head for hours. I'm hoping this weekend is fun, it should be. Tonight is Battlestar and then Miskas with friends, and I plan on going dumb. Tomorrow is girls-martini-night, which is funny because I just wrote a chapter in my book about girls going to a martini bar and man bashing, only for the protagonist to meet a guy whilst there. Lets hope this is like a Stranger than Fiction moment and it really happens to me (har har). Sunday I'm stuck working, but it is bearable because as of next Thursday I'll be in SF. I keep thinking "this time next week I will be eating a burrito" or "this time next week I will be walking up giant hills," even "this time next week I'll be on the N train." I think the trip will be very good for me.

I added a link on the right to my amazon.com wish list in the holiday gift-giving spirit. And I think it's funny. And I just want to show off my awesome taste. And buy me stuff.

Kinski, Wrath of God

Wow I sure was angry earlier! I just finished watching My Best Fiend, a documentary about Herzog and Kinski's relationship throughout their films together. I learned a lot about both of them, and really appreciated it having seen the Herzog films that Kinski was in (I haven't seen Nosferatu or Cobra Verde yet). I think what amazed me most was how young Herzog was during Aguirre and Fitzcarraldo. Herzog was nearly my age, and he was doing this insane films. He was in Peru, in South America, often stranded, filming with a whack like Kinski, and creating genius. And I sit online all day. Makes me want to be greater.
I like seeing Eva Mattes and Claudia Cardinale in present day in the film, after seeing them in Woyzeck, Fitzcarraldo, and Stroszek. Herzog has such skill in picking the perfect actors/actresses for his roles. I've never been in such awe of an artist in my life, and I don't think this admiration is going away anytime soon.

RIP

Sheesh, all this talking with my ladies has made me miss a death of a very important woman, Ellen Willis, from her info on Wikipedia:

She is also known for her feminist politics and was a founding member of Redstockings. She was one of the few women working in music criticism during its inaugural years, when it was by and large a male-dominated field. Starting in 1979, Willis wrote a number of essays that were highly critical of anti-pornography feminism, criticizing it for what she saw as its sexual puritanism and moral authoritarianism, as well as its threat to free speech. These essays were among the earliest expressions of feminist opposition to the anti-pornography movement. Her 1981 essay, "Lust Horizons: Is the Women's Movement Pro-Sex?" is the origin of the term, "pro-sex feminism".[4] She was also a strong supporter of women's abortion rights, and in the early 1980s was a founding member of the pro-choice street theater and protest group No More Nice Girls.

Redstockings is really cool. Willis and the better know Shulamith Firestone founded it, and more info can be found here:

The group is a strong advocate of consciousness raising and what they refer to as "The Pro-Woman Line" – the idea that women's submission to male supremacy was a conscious adaptation to their lack of power under patriarchy, rather than internalized "brainwashing" on the part of women, as was held by some other radical feminist groups. Redstockings holds the view that all men oppress all women as a class and that it is the responsibility of individual men to give up male supremacy, rather than the responsibility of women to change themselves.

I apologize for those of you who I haven't been talking to about all of this - it may seem to come out of way left field. But rest assured it's not - I've been formulating much of this in my head for weeks and am finally able to get it out. I guess my blog is my outlet for consciousness raising. And to think I used to scoff at that term in my women's studies courses.

lets get on with it, lets get it on

I rarely feel pure anger. I've been told in the past its a fault of mine, that the worst feelings I get are "irritated" or "annoyed" or "frustrated". Well today I'm just really angry. I don't need anybody to patronize me or tell me what I should or should not do. I want to punch shit right now, starting with myself for wasting my time and thoughts on worthless pigs. For being such a horrific judge of character.

...
poised, yet totally screwed up
yes sir, yes sir, step right up

none of us know, where we're trying to get to
what sort of life were we trying to build
now we're told so merge ideas, of song forms and freedom
seasons out of life, nothing is out of reach
L.A. is more confusing now, than anywhere I've ever been to
I'm from New York City, breath it out and let it in

where are you now?
when your broken eyes are closed
head in a cloudy dream, green and sailboats
borrowed and never returned
emotions, books, outlooks on life

hello 20 15!

hello, 20, 15!

My recent anger towards men, and my relationships with women

I’ve been having some very intense conversations with women the past few weeks. Mostly, we have been talking about men and the following aspects:

1. Why so many of our friends and acquaintances are putting up with asshole boyfriends or asshole crushes. I am friends with some incredibly strong, independent, successful, brilliant, creative, caring women. I like to consider myself as one of those women as well. And so many of these females are in situations where they have no power in their “relationship” be it someone they are infatuated with or someone they are casually screwing or someone they have been dating for years. I myself felt I had no power in my last relationship by the end, and I also let myself have no power over a few situations since I moved here. I let myself get stepped on repeatedly for fear of losing a person. I don’t understand why these amazing women are doing this to themselves – why they are conceding power to men. Do we really lack that much self-confidence that we will stoop to men who clearly aren’t worthy of being with women as great as we are? Or are the men who aren’t taken yet just that worthless and it’s all we have left if we want companionship? Or have we allowed societal expectations that we be “settled down” take away our ability to be comfortable being single women? I believe it’s probably a combination of these factors, at least for me. I have difficulty being single, I feel vulnerable and ugly and like there is something wrong with me. I am also let down by many of the males I encounter when it comes to their ability to handle a relationship or their ability to interact with women and respect women.

2. That last sentence I think flows well into this other point of discussion I’ve been having lately. Is this really men’s fault? They face as much societal pressure as women, the pressure for them is to be dominant males, to not respect women, to see and treat women as sex objects, to show off their physical and sexual prowess at all times, to never look weak. So can I really be this pissed off at men if it’s not totally their fault? I think so. I think I can feel bad for them for not understanding that they are victims of societal norms as much as women are, and for not having the courage to fight those expectations. However, I still think I can be angry with the ones who haven’t made constant and concerted efforts to end the expectation that men are the dominators of women. I can still be pissed at any male friend of mine who laughs at rape, who watches forceful and degrading pornography, who calls women twats, cunts, bitches, whores, sluts, trash, who says their male friends are “pussy whipped”, who won’t stand up for a female who is getting harassed, who tells me I need to chill out or loosen up when I mention I don’t think any of that is funny, who make me feel bad for believing that women are equals and worthy of equal treatment. Lately, I’ve let myself be less vigilant in correcting my friends who say degrading things about women. I need to stop that, and to speak up from now on even if it means I lose a male friend or two. I don’t want to be friends with a man who does the previously mentioned things anyway.

So I’m left with a fierce and frightening anger at men right now, and am unsure of how to handle it. However, with this anger I am also learning that my bonds with some females transcend what I ever imagined possible. My whole life I’ve avoided female relationships, I bought into the negative stereotype of women as back-stabbing catty individuals. I also resisted the notion that I would want to discuss my emotions, as I saw it as a sign of weakness. And only now am I realizing how incredible so many women in my life are – how they have overcome so many horrible instances in their pasts, how they have to face sexism on a daily basis and yet still succeed in their careers and personal lives, how they have to combat their own feelings on this subject and have welcomed the chance to have open and frank talks about it with me. My sense of connection, pride, and love for these women is so strong that some days it overwhelms me. Unfortunately, these conversations all stem from asshole men in our lives, yet again making men the instigators of action in our lives. By spending hours talking about the men, we are again empowering their sexist actions. I want to have a talk with one of these women about a non-male related topic, about something incredible they are doing in their own life – making art, making music, making a difference. I want my brain to stop be consumed by men. I want to stop feeling the need to seek validation through men. I want to stop being angry.

dumbbells

I just lifted a major weight off my shoulders. As terrifying as it was to do, and as miserable as it may make me in the near future, it was the right thing to do. And I'm proud of myself for it. Every day I get a little stronger.

Writing Update

My writing partner in crime Joe called an hour ago to check in on my progress. We resolved to both reach 10,000 words tonight. We are so behind that we will need to write over 2,500 words a day to catch up. I'm at 8,381 right now and it's 10:12 pm. I should be able to do it by midnight, but it will be rough. My pace is all off on it. If I really am a fifth of the way through my story, I'm really behind. I need to get into the meat of it faster, or do what Jacob did and just keep writing beyond 50,000 until the book is finished at a pace that works. Tonight I'm working on making it a bit more upbeat and girly - I did not want this to end up being a woe-is-me tale, so I'm adding a hackneyed trip to a martini bar and a ladies night out chapter right now.

I ate like a jerk today - chinese with coworkers and made burritos for dinner. Both ruled, but probably do not need to be consumed in the same day.

Tomorrow night is writing night, at a place with no internet so I'll be forced to work harder.

Someone PLEASE go to this with me

This Thursday, 8 bucks, Empty Bottle:

DAT Politics Goofy dance
Kevin Blechdom Goofy pop, (example lyric: Ever since I got my tubes tied, I don't have to have abortions no more)
Crippled Insectual, who knows.

Chicks on Speed bands - it will be so much fun, yet also perhaps mega mega mega irritating.

Why do I love stupid dance music so much lately? Anyway, don't be a douche, and come with me. I'll buy you a drink or three.

Weekend in Review

Friday: The Hot Chip show was great. We missed the first band, Shy Child, and the second band, Born Ruffians, sucked big time. A bunch of teenaged popped-collar doofuses. Hot Chip was great though, just a bunch of nerdy guys who really like making the music they make. They had great outfits on and lots of people danced. Fortunately I was up in the VIP section so I had room to breathe, as the show was sold out. Then Hot Chip DJed, and although they were a bit scattered musically, me, Amelia, Zaid, Steve and others danced for hours anyway. The night ended in a drunken excursion to Hollywood Grill, which is disgusting, but was fun. The table next to us was talking about R Kelly a lot. The entire evening was great, especially because I was expecting it to be annoying due to the crapass weather. I woke up massively hungover and waited for Kevin to show up.

Satuday: Kevin arrived and we ate at Flo, where I had some awesome fritatta and black beans with poblano sauce. We then spent the afternoon goofing off on the internet and watching property shows on tv (as well as an episode of the Golden Girls). Later it was dominoes at JP's with Nate and Nick, and then Hungry Brain. I wanted to not drink Saturday night, but cannot resist the high alcohol wine that Lakeview Liquors sells, so I ended up being a mess.

Sunday: We got brunch, Kevin drove home. I watched Battlestar. Now I have to get writing on my novel.

Conclusion: Awesome weekend.

Weekend Plans

I'm seeing Hot Chip tonight at the Metro with some friends. I'm really excited to see them, I think it will be a dance extravaganza. Unfortunately, I'm super tired right now. Hopefully a nap and some dinner will fix my exhaustion a bit. The band is doing a DJ set at SmartBar after the show, so I may stick around for that too.

Kevin will be in town Saturday and Sunday for some quality hang out time. I foresee lots of hanging out and hangage of various varieties. Translation: We will sit and talk all day and love it. And eat a lot. And hopefully I'll write somewhere in there.

Fitzcarraldo

I've written about 5,500 words. I should be at about 10,000. I'm getting there. I've found I can write about 1000 words an hour. Last night I went to Joe's house for writing time, and then we watched Fitzcarraldo, a Herzog movie I'm ashamed to say I hadn't seen yet. The movie is over two and a half hours long, and is the slowest paced Herzog I've seen, beating Even Dwarves Started Small for the title of Slowest Herzog Movie. However, I enjoyed it regardless. Kinski plays this whacky Irishman in the Amazon at the turn of the century, who is obsessed with bringing his favorite opera singer to his crappy town. He buys this giant boat in attempt to find some unmined rubber trees and get rich, to fund the opera. Essentially, the film is all him on the boat and him with the natives trying to get the boat over this massive hill (dry land) to the other side without getting into the rapids. I think it's my least favorite Herzog film, although it seems like its many major fan's favorite. I'm still sticking with Stroszek as the best. Seeing Fitzcarraldo also makes me want to see My Best Fiend the doc about Herzog and Kinski's relationship. And to end off this Herzog obsession, if anybody loves me a whole whole lot, you can buy me The Herzog Collection DVD Box Set I've had my eye on for over a year. Think of the baby jesus and christmas, and how much I love Christmas and Herzog and presents.

Writing and Wusses

My word count remains woefully behind for national novel writing month. I should be at 10,000 tomorrow. I'm at 4,097. Instead of writing last night I decided to go to the
Beachwood for drinks with Steve and the DPC kids. It was a nice night, I walked there, I enjoyed the conversation. I'm trying to walk as much as possible while it's still warm out. I stayed out too late, and now I am sleepy at my desk.

Tonight is Pub Quiz, which will also prevent me from writing. The major goal of this month was to stay IN, and have the writing as an excuse, but so far I haven't curbed my social life to write. Tomorrow my social life and writing life mix, as Joe and I get together again to force each other to up our word counts.

And now I have to admit something. As you may have already figured out on my Last.fm lists I've started listening to some majorly wussy music. Yeah...I've listened to that insufferably annoying and religious Sufjan Stevens all week. I've been outed, gouge away!

Sunday Football

Sunday was spent writing, catching up on my "shows," and watching football. I got brunch with Nick, and then watched the last two episodes of Battlestar Galactica and Thursday's episode of The Office. We also intermittently watched the Bears/Dolphins game. It was a really nice day outside, so I walked all the way home and then took Audrey on a megalong walk. Listened to some tunes, bonded with my dog, enjoyed one of the last warm days until April. It was good.

I then had a pretty junky bus ride down Western to Joe's house for more writing. Afterwards we went to a bar to watch the Colts/Patriots game. This makes my football viewing tally up to 3 games this week - which makes it my highest football watching week of all time.

I'm still behind on writing, but not too badly. I think I can catch up tonight. My "chick lit" themed book is so far pretty depressing - I have to get into the fun stuff. A good chick lit book would have a nice variety of ups and downs for the heroine, not all this melodramatic crap I've written so far. I need to plan out my chapters so I can figure out where everything is going. I'm pretty disgusted with the quality of what I've written but that's ok - I can edit later. Quantity not quality for right now.

October Recap, Writing Update

I don't think I did a September recap, but I'll try and think of one for October.

Goods:
1. Went to my friend Brian's wedding
2. Got back on fluoxetine (whoa, its only been a month? Seems like longer)
3. Started going to Pub Quiz every Tuesday and love it.
4. TV - lost started up and I got into Battlestar Galactica. Project Runway ended, and I watched it at a goofy bar party.
5. May or May Not as Daft Punk at the Double Door.
6. Saw Jake, got some resolution that I'm over the relationship and can move on finally.
7. Lost weight, ran a lot.

Bads:
1. Obsessed about my standings with men, let dudes occupy my thoughts to an unhealthy degree.
2. The cold weather was a major shocker. Makes me never want to leave my house.
3. Got depressed on Sundays.
4. Learned some lessons at work about getting stuff done.

I can't really think of any bads. That would mean that October was a good month.

November will be busier - I've written 3,000 words so far for the novel writing month. Joe and I wrote together on Thursday. We kicked off the month with dinner at El Cid, and a pitcher of margaritas. Then we went to his house and wrote for a little over an hour. After awhile we both maxxed out on writing, and went to a bar for the end of some college football game. It was a nice night, and much better than the crappy day I had at work.

I didn't write this past Friday because I was busy seeing Borat with friends. The movie was pretty stupid. It was way more toilet-humor than I expected. I thought there might be some intelligence, but there wasn't. Oh well, I still laughed. We then went to the Long Room for drinks. I came home pretty drunk, slept poorly, and spent all day today sleeping on the couch. So no writing again today. I'm a failure! Tomorrow I'll have to do some major catching up.

day 1 of writing

45 minutes into my foray into National Novel Writing Month, and I already have 945 words (of the 50,000 required minimum). Yay! Now I just have to be able to keep this up. Audrey is being pretty irritating. Lots of sniffing the keyboard and pleas for attention. I'm going to go to Joe's to write tomorrow, to avoid this hassle with her. He is also doing the novel writing month, so we'll be able to push each other along.

Tomorrow I have to go to Elgin to attend a boring work-related conference. I guess it beats the webinars I've been having to participate in, but it does mean a long early morning drive, and struggling to stay awake during speeches I don't care about.

Lost was good tonight - lots of resolution yet they opened enough questions to keep me excited for next week. I'll hold off on any spoilers for awhile.