My recent anger towards men, and my relationships with women

I’ve been having some very intense conversations with women the past few weeks. Mostly, we have been talking about men and the following aspects:

1. Why so many of our friends and acquaintances are putting up with asshole boyfriends or asshole crushes. I am friends with some incredibly strong, independent, successful, brilliant, creative, caring women. I like to consider myself as one of those women as well. And so many of these females are in situations where they have no power in their “relationship” be it someone they are infatuated with or someone they are casually screwing or someone they have been dating for years. I myself felt I had no power in my last relationship by the end, and I also let myself have no power over a few situations since I moved here. I let myself get stepped on repeatedly for fear of losing a person. I don’t understand why these amazing women are doing this to themselves – why they are conceding power to men. Do we really lack that much self-confidence that we will stoop to men who clearly aren’t worthy of being with women as great as we are? Or are the men who aren’t taken yet just that worthless and it’s all we have left if we want companionship? Or have we allowed societal expectations that we be “settled down” take away our ability to be comfortable being single women? I believe it’s probably a combination of these factors, at least for me. I have difficulty being single, I feel vulnerable and ugly and like there is something wrong with me. I am also let down by many of the males I encounter when it comes to their ability to handle a relationship or their ability to interact with women and respect women.

2. That last sentence I think flows well into this other point of discussion I’ve been having lately. Is this really men’s fault? They face as much societal pressure as women, the pressure for them is to be dominant males, to not respect women, to see and treat women as sex objects, to show off their physical and sexual prowess at all times, to never look weak. So can I really be this pissed off at men if it’s not totally their fault? I think so. I think I can feel bad for them for not understanding that they are victims of societal norms as much as women are, and for not having the courage to fight those expectations. However, I still think I can be angry with the ones who haven’t made constant and concerted efforts to end the expectation that men are the dominators of women. I can still be pissed at any male friend of mine who laughs at rape, who watches forceful and degrading pornography, who calls women twats, cunts, bitches, whores, sluts, trash, who says their male friends are “pussy whipped”, who won’t stand up for a female who is getting harassed, who tells me I need to chill out or loosen up when I mention I don’t think any of that is funny, who make me feel bad for believing that women are equals and worthy of equal treatment. Lately, I’ve let myself be less vigilant in correcting my friends who say degrading things about women. I need to stop that, and to speak up from now on even if it means I lose a male friend or two. I don’t want to be friends with a man who does the previously mentioned things anyway.

So I’m left with a fierce and frightening anger at men right now, and am unsure of how to handle it. However, with this anger I am also learning that my bonds with some females transcend what I ever imagined possible. My whole life I’ve avoided female relationships, I bought into the negative stereotype of women as back-stabbing catty individuals. I also resisted the notion that I would want to discuss my emotions, as I saw it as a sign of weakness. And only now am I realizing how incredible so many women in my life are – how they have overcome so many horrible instances in their pasts, how they have to face sexism on a daily basis and yet still succeed in their careers and personal lives, how they have to combat their own feelings on this subject and have welcomed the chance to have open and frank talks about it with me. My sense of connection, pride, and love for these women is so strong that some days it overwhelms me. Unfortunately, these conversations all stem from asshole men in our lives, yet again making men the instigators of action in our lives. By spending hours talking about the men, we are again empowering their sexist actions. I want to have a talk with one of these women about a non-male related topic, about something incredible they are doing in their own life – making art, making music, making a difference. I want my brain to stop be consumed by men. I want to stop feeling the need to seek validation through men. I want to stop being angry.