Visitors and Jesus Camp

Big weekend at Casa Rus-trick. Jake and Jay were in town as a stop on their three week tour. I haven't seen Jake since I left SF in early May, and I've been nervous about this weekend for a long time. Would I be overcome with regret? Be happy that I left? I was very unsure. I've spent the past few months consummed with thoughts of my decision to leave, and this weekend I feel like I finally put those thoughts to rest. I saw Jake, and was certainly happy to see him, but in a brotherly way not in a love way. We hugged, and I felt nothing. We joked around like we hadn't missed a day together. But the romantic feelings or any sadness were nonexistant. We shared my bed with Audrey and it was like being on a vacation where I have to share a bed with a friend. If anything I felt sort of smothered. When they left late Sunday afternoon I wasn't sad. I felt like I was saying goodbye to all those regrets I had and to the mourning of the death of my relationship. I finally feel like it was good and right for me to be here. Last night at his show, I really wanted to be with my friends. That is exactly what I wanted to feel. I adore my friends, I love living alone, I love my job, and I'm OK with being by myself.

Audrey definitely remembered Jake. She jumped and wagged her tail like I haven't seen her do in a long time. She looked so calm and at ease with him around. He had a lot of fun playing with her, and I could tell she was so excited to see him. We walked her to the pizza place, and he made her sit at each corner which is something I should be doing. She was so bad at it, that it made me feel bad for being so lax in her training. Seeing her confidence and peace skyrocket with Jake here made me more committed to training her again. We did 15 minutes of sit, stay, down tonight and she was loving it.

Ettrick (Jake's band) did a great job. Jake just keeps getting better. I was amazed at his skill, and he's added some cool stuff to his sound. I was proud of him. They seem to be having a fun time on tour, and he seems to really have come into his own. Watching him shmooze with the other exp/noise kids made me feel like his mom, just so happy he is doing what he wants to be doing. And happy that so am I. We both seemed freer, lighter. As if we finally came into our own. So why am I crying right now? Probably just a release of all that pent up anxiety.

Speaking of crying...Jenny and I saw Jesus Camp. There was a lot of crying kids in that film. David Byrne's journal entry about the film sums up my opinion and reaction to it, so I'll leave the high quality writing to him. I left terrified. The main children, Levi and Rachel, really really disturbed me. Everyone should see this movie.

The previews had some interesting choices. There's a movie version of Fast Food Nation coming out that looks really good. They also showed a preview of The Bridge, a movie about suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge. This topic was very controversial when I was in SF - lots of debate about whether to build a barrier around the bridge so people couldn't jump, and lots of talk about whether the movie was wrong. I'm going to have to see it when it comes out.

This week is going to be so busy. Monday night is a show at the Empty Bottle with May or May Not, Rollo Tomasi, and Dialogue - all bands with my pals in it. Tuesday is Pub Quiz. Wednesday is the season finale of Project Runway, and we are all going to some gay bar in Boys Town to watch it. Good thing Audrey got her play time in this weekend.