Month in (p)review, and some stuff about drugs

I've been meaning to write this, but I've been so busy since September started. Augusts always seem to be pretty a shitty month for me. My house got robbed in August 2004 (well July 29th, but who's counting, the pain was in August), in Madison you had to move every August, and now this past August proved no exception to the rule. August blew.

Month in review:
- bounced some checks, and realized the extent of my financial ruin
- finally started to mourn the end of my relationship
- sunk into some massive depression/anxiety problems again, which immobilized me at work and made me a crying miserable mess at home
- decided I needed to move out of my place, and looked, and found nothing


September is already 1000 times better:
- Touch and Go Party
- Lots of other shows in the next few weeks: Pan Sonic, Cursive, Mastadon
- I may have found a way (financially) to be able to live alone here until the end of the lease, which basically puts off my worry about not having the funds for a security deposit until April
- Made an appointment to get back on the anti-crazy pills that I've finally resigned myself to taking again. I tried for a third time to not be on them, and for a third time realized I'm a failure at life without them. Big deal, ain't no shame in anxiety meds. Just wish I had more friends with the same problems, it'd be nice to talk to someone about it.
- Starting to enjoy being alone in my apartment again
- Getting comfortable being single
- Getting into my exercise habit pretty successfully

In truth, I'm really calmed just by knowing I'm going to take the fluoxetine again and knowing that I'll be ok soon. I'm not just depressed due to my situation, I'm falling back into the anxiety over nothing trap. An example: I'll go to work, know I have stuff to do and be totally inable to do it, sit there and wish I could work but just can't bring myself to do it, get all antsy and angsty and tense, go home, get angry that I didn't do any work, and start to freak about having to go back the next day. I want to stop the pattern, and I can't. Nothing helps. I understand what is happening and I just sit there fretting. Most of my anxiety issues manifest themselves at work. Therefore, whenever I start acting like this at work I know I've got a problem. So in a few weeks I'll hopefully be feeling like my old (medicated) self again. Anxiety and depression can be hereditary. My mother, brother, father and others in my family have the same problems, so at least I know where I get it from. Thanks family!

I hope this means that for you, poor reader, I'll get out of my woe-is-me slump soon.