Pity and Perspective: CA Gets a Grip

I got the dreaded call today. The bank informed me I officially bounced my first check. A frantic phone call to the dog walkers (where the check bounced), and I found out they will only charge me 8 dollars. So life isn't ruined, I wasn't fired from the dog walker. However, this meant I began my work day crying. Not fun. And I'm worried about any other bills that are going to go through before pay day on Thursday. So I was feeling pretty sorry for myself until about 4. At 4, I decided to brave my online checking account statement and itemize my expenses. Last month I was WAY overbudget on going out and groceries. If I hadn't been such a putz, none of this would be happening. Here I am, blaming my dog expenses and thinking I need to give her away, and really its all my fault. So basically I got some perspective. Its just a bounced check and some stupid fees, and I have nobody to blame but myself.

And today, a cold and dreary day, all I wanted was to come home and cuddle with my dog. I get home, and theres a letter addressed to me and Audrey, from Jake. Inside were some photos of me and my cousin Kristin as a child, a Werner Herzog ticket stub from the castro, my library cards from Omaha and Madison, and some greenie coupons we had on the fridge. Some of dozens of memories I forgot in my packing craze when I left. And I absolutely broke down. I totally lost it, and let myself lose it. Picked myself up off the floor after awhile, made some fajitas, and have begun the cuddling-dog phase of the evening.


And then I watched some special about Hurricane Katrina on the television. They showed images of people at the convention center, and I had forgotten that I was there. For three days I wandered that convention center, going to library panels and discussions, and after the first day inside it I almost totally forgot what horrors those walls bore. Even last June, ten months after the hurricane, half the center was still closed. I can't begin to imagine what that half looked like. What they were still finding in it. Seeing the image of the center on the television was striking. Here I am, whining about bouncing a check, when over 170 people died in the convention center because our government is a piece of shsit. A quarter of a million people are homeless as a result of the hurricane, and I sit on my laptop with a cable modem in a warm apartment. I need to get a goddamn grip. So tonight, I obtained some perspective. My life isn't all that bad, and wallowing in self-pity is pretty silly.