Ghetto Report Card review

Causing Accidents wants to keep you on the up and up with the hottest rap. First post = E-40 My Ghetto Report Card review. Below is a song by song rundown of my awesome feelings for this awesome album. My Ghetto Report Card is a great orientation for those unfamiliar with the yay area. Listen and learn about my block: the bay. On a scale of 1 to dummy doo doo retarded this album gets a hyphy. Ride the yellow bus as you read.

You may need wikipedia to help you along...

1. Yay Area: Digable Planets style intro. Sets the tone for the yay area props theme of the album. Great first song, but otherwise unspectacular.
Best Line: And you'll be sitting in the can / While she fucking on your friends / Spending all your yaper / Riding round in your scraper / Giving brains / all the hood homies run the choo-choo train

2. Tell me when to go: The first radio hit off the album, has an incredible music video that shows all the non-sydeshow (sideshow) people out there how a sydeshow works. If you haven’t seen the video, the lyrics somewhat explain it. If you don’t know how to ghost ride da whip, you clearly haven’t discovered urban dictionary yet. Tell me when to go makes me want to rolla in my corolla, doors open, and turn tight ones on my street. Keak da Sneak on the track is great, and I am convinced that he will be the next Lil Jon as far as guesting on tracks goes. His lyrics are almost unintelligible. What will his answer to the pimp cup be?
Best line: Imagine all the Hebrews going dumb / dancing on top of chariots and turning tight ones.

3. Muscle Cars, ft Keak da Sneak and Turf Talk. This track is an homage to big ole American hunks of steel. Starts off with a bass distorted to sound like its running through some serious speakers in the back of a 1976 Cutlass Supreme. Keak name drops all the acceptable muscle cars you can own. One of the weakest tracks on the album, only slightly ahead of "Happy to be here"
Best line: Hard to tell due to Keaks interesting style, but I'd go with First owner, not too many miles on it because it seems ridiculous to include in this song.


4. Go hard or go home ft the federation: Here the album kicks up the hyphy quotient a few notches into seriously dummy doo doo retarded levels. I’m expecting this to be a hit soon. The clapping, the “bum ba bums” in the background, big heavy beats, its great. I’m considering putting up a motivational banner at work: GO HARD OR GO HOME.
Best line: trying to get it / sucks being bummy / never shoulda gave you niggas money!

5. Gouda ft B-Legit, Stressmatic. The Psycho-style strings forming the beat are incredible. A song dedicated to making money.
Best line: It’s a tie between We getting chalupa / wrap cheese in a rubber band and call it gouda and gouda means cheese and cheese means yay for you square squarebutts. Am I one of the squarebutts he is referring to?

6. Sick wit it II ft turf talk. Starts with some cough cough from a bit too much purple I assume, and we soon learn that turf talk is e-40s nephew. E-40 discusses how hot he is right now, and how he's blowin up on the scene. Includes some economic lessons about being stingy, and educates you non-Californians about cannibas cards. Pretty typical rap song lyrics, but good synth-strings in the back.
Best line: Look out watch out here come the drop outs / hide your dope in your anus and put the weed out

7. skit: I’ve never been a fan of skits on rap albums. Skip it!

8. They might be tapin: Highly relevant song to this post 9/11 society we live in (har). Rehashes his earlier economics lesson discussing how to lease items and save money like the white man. A paranoid song, leading me to conclude that E's been on the purple a bit too much. The chorus is incredible. You learn that e-40 got his name from drinking beer.
Best line is the chorus: Oh shit / talking pig latin / using codes / oh shit / they’re reading lips cover your nose

9. Do ya head like this: After a lull, the hyphy factor goes into full effect on this piece yadadamean. Best dance move since r kelly’s stepping game, and I haven’t even seen what “like this” means as far as how to do your head. But I can only imagine it involves a shitload of dreads and a dizzy ending (as compared to a “happy ending”).
Best line: My woofers sub like quiznos

10. Block boi ft miko and stressmatic: I first read this as black boy, and was looking forward to it being a compliment to the next track, white girl. But no, block boi instead discusses the totally played out topic of what its like to live in the ghetto and be a thug. Its tough, I get it. Talk about going dummy retarded instead please. A skippable song. Actually, I skip it so often I have next to nothing to say about it.
Best line: none. Seriously. Nothing really popped out at me.

11. White gurl ft bun p pimp c juelz santana: Excellent track. Makes my white ass get low. Not actually about girls, but about dealing and riding the white horse.
Best line: I’ll teach ya how to give a white girl a sun tan / put it in that pot till it git hot / then start tha sir mix a lot I’d like to get that white girl too.

12. getthefuckon.com (skit): Funny

13. U and dat ft t. pain and kandi girl: Blowin up on the radio here, a generic gettin booty song. References to acting a donkey and monkeys. Kandi girl isn’t anything spectacular. In fact, she occasionally sounds like some of the female 446 rappers, which is not a diss on tha 446. While it sounds pretty standard, it still rules.
Best line: whisper in your ear while I’m holdin my dick

14. I’m da man ft mike jones and al capone: Some seriously chopped and screwed mike jones (or is it al capone?) on this track. I’m so over mike jones that I have trouble listening to this track. He even drops some turning lane lyrics and his totally disconnected cell number.
Best line: none

15. YEE ft too short and budda: Yee is the new heyoo, word, holla, sheah, wheahhh, what have you. If you haven’t started addressing your thugs in the club with a YEE you are a total squarebutt. My favorite track on the album. Great slow beats at the beginning.
Best line: my area code grows some of the best weed in the world / my ninja we aint no punk / they say we need to take a bath in tomato juice because we smell like skunk

16. getthefuckon.com part 2: conclusion to earlier skit. Eh.

17. Just Fuckin ft Bosko: Close second fave to Yee. Compliments David Banners “fuckin” very nicely. Discusses what you’d see on craigslist casual encounters as an NSA (No Strings Attached). Filthy filthy lyrics, I love it.
Best line: I have too many! fool don’t know what he missin / he tardy and lame or pussy so good I fuck you on your period or Baby please stop the whining / let me tear out your lining/ orgasms multiplyin

18. Gimme head ft al capone and bosko: Interesting choice to follow up just fucking. I would have separated these songs a bit. Regardless, it’s a good song. Straight up telling the bitch to give him head. Not too many lyrics, and very upfront. Can’t argue with that.
Best line: feels like I’m in yo pussy / when you suckin my dick

19. She says she loves me ft 8-ball and bun b: Very deep for a rap song.
Best line: She say she love me / but all we do now is fuck and fight I dunno about you, but that doesn’t sound so bad to me.

20. happy to be here: bummer of a song to end on. Not worth my time.